If we want to.

Every time I see the Prime Minister of Tunisia (Beji Caid el Sebsi), I think he is Gollum.

GOD DAMN GUYS. LITERALLY ONE DROP OF CONDENSATION DRIPPED OFF OF MY GLASS OF ICED TEA AND FELL ON THE SEND KEY OF MY ALPHASMART, AND NOW THE BACKSPACE KEY IS GLITCHING.

Sticking or short-circuiting or something. One drop. I wiped it off, but apparently it slid down Send and under Backspace. Everything was fine for fifteen minutes, and then, oop, my writing started erasing itself backwards.

I riced it overnight, to no avail. I'm ricing it again while I'm at work. At least my files are safe as long as it's off, and I was able to transfer everything off this morning by making sure I opened a blank document the second each transfer finished -- at which point I had to wait for the backlog of backspace keystrokes that had accumulated during the transfer to complete in the blank document.

The insane part is that I can use my AS as a PS2 keyboard while my USB keyboard is useless due to the backstrokes, and then I can type normally. Even in the same file! Which makes no sense! If the AS is more or less constantly accumulating new backspaces, why can I use it as a PS2 keyboard but not an AS? The only thing I can think of is that I'm experiencing some variation on the classic key-only-sticks-until-another-is-pressed error, with the added fun of that key starting to stick constantly -- that is to say, as long as I am typing fast enough on my AS, it works fine. Once I stop for a second, the backspaces start, and, in the meantime, the USB keyboard can't be used because me typing on it doesn't "unstick" the backspace key, since the stuck key is part of a different keyboard.

I'm gonna try cleaning it out later, at which point it will have been riced for about twenty hours, but I can't get the damned battery pack out or take it apart to do a proper clean because the screws are too heavy-duty for any of our cheap screwdrivers (I stripped two of 'em already), so my options are limited. If swabbing it doesn't work, I'm gonna hafta trade it in for an AS Neo, and I don't want a damned Neo! I mean, okay, yes, I do, but I don't have $150 dollars. rghflkug.

This review is spoiler free! Woo!

Jennifer Lawrence > Natalie Portman. EVERYONE > Natalie Portman, who still cannot act, come on, people. Also everyone should see Winter's Bone. Everyone. Everyone. Everyone. It's about a teenager trying to keep her house so she can raise her younger siblings in safety. The people who screwed her over and the people she needs help from are the same people -- members of a dangerous, patriarchal drug ring. It's the strongest exploration of the different types of agency women have and lack in a patriarchal society I've seen in years.

Winter's Bone is almost like a Clint Eastwood justice movie, only it's a million times better, because Clint Eastwood doesn't insert himself as the old white guy who gets to be the hero and save all the women and people of color in the end. Instead we get a teenage girl (who would be Clint Eastwood's borderline useless sidekick if he'd made this movie, if she got to exist at all) who fends for herself and doesn't act like the audience should fall all over her for it. Which might be because it was written and directed by women -- none of whom felt the need to insert their Sue selves into their own work as the hero. Just sayin'.

That isn't to say the movie isn't about men to a certain extent. It is, but it passes the Bechdel test, and the movie is very much about a woman trying to navigate through patriarchy with the help of other women. The women talk so much about men because men are what's keeping them from getting things done. And it doesn't get more feminist than that.

Anyway. If you're looking for a movie that contains terrifying and awesome women who actually make things happen, this is your movie. There's a bonus in it for you if you're fascinated by characters who look sick and/or old because they're on meth. Even if you don't give a crap about feminism (which you should), this is still your movie, because it is all the things a good drama should be. Watch it.

Well, THAT only took 1148 pages. (That link is to Monday's very, very big Penny & Aggie spoiler. Not that anybody I know is still reading P&A.) ( I ramble a very little. )

Evidently what it takes for me to like the song "Free Falling" is a non-male vocalist. I'm totally fascinated by the difference this makes, since the Tom Petty version has always been one of those songs people hated me for hating. I've been listening to covers by female vocalists on YouTube for a couple of days now, and am not sick of it yet. Yes, I realise I'm ten years too old to be going through a "Free Falling" phase, but bear with me. I was under the impression that it was terrible until two days ago. Apparently what I actually find terrible is the way Tom Petty (and John Mayer) sings it.

Other songs people hate me for hating include "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" and "Mr. Bojangles." And several Dylan songs. And everything by the Crash Test Dummies, ever, and every song ever written about Superman (though that might just be because I hate Superman). And "I Am the Walrus."

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In other news, I had jury duty last week. I believe in jury duty, and really don't mind it -- usually. But this was just terrible. The following are some text messages I sent from the Juror Assembly Room:

10:36 Hello from jury duty.
10:59 This waiting room is even more horrendously boring than tv led me to believe it would be.
13:21 Dear god. Now bounce is on one tv and judge joe brown is on the other.
13:35 Okay, waiting is miserable. Dnw to do the waiting ever again.
13:38 Hate ben affleck so much more than anybody on joe brown.
14:39 Ugh. Nancy grace worse than joe brown. Sry about running commentary.

To make matters worse, you guys, they had the two TVs next to each other, which made it impossible to watch either one! Blah. Blah! Oh, and the juror information video we all had to watch was called "You, the Juror" which smacks of I, the Jury and thus made me lol. I pride myself on not being Mike Hammer or any other Mickey Spillane character, tyvm.

As the doctor packed and repacked my new vagina, they crammed enough cotton padding inside me to resurrect the plantation system in at least two Delta states! The Old South might rise again, but I never would.

Oh my god, Aleshia Brevard, you are my favorite. You win the wittiest post-op quip award forever and ever.

Do you still read the Merc? Because I still read the Merc. And even if you don't, you should check out The Best Complaints to City Hall, a list of real complaints received by the mayor's office this year.

This is my favorite:
September 3, 2010, 3:34 pm Mayor Adams: I worked for you. I voted for you. I did everything I could to make sure you got elected because I believed in you. You are a miserable failure! This whole bag thing?? I am disabled. I cannot carry a paper bag. The only thing I want bagged is you. Paper or plastic, paper or plastic? Mayor Adams. How would you like it to be? Paper or plastic? I hope someday you're disabled and you can't carry anything either.

Also, there is one from a Reedie who feels the need to say that they're a Reedie, of course.

Unday

From no nowhere not near the sea
on blue field flax
the cemetery's absolutely solitary
you and you and a third

of a pound of bread
for supper in the refectory
where I would die of hunger
if you--if soon--if on this unday--one

undoing would be undone

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Fanny Howe is my favorite living person who shares my name. ♥

So, the other night, my family was playing the newest Genus Edition of Trivial Pursuit (yes, we are all nerds), and my dad gets this question, "What did Enrique Canchola disguise himself as in an effort to sneak across the Mexico-U.S. border?" So we googled him, and found a picture that will seriously make your life better. I love the internet. And Trivial Pursuit. And Enrique Canchola.