Parting can be sweet sorrow

 

When a relationship ends, one person tends to shed it off faster, while the other wades through the pain and grief of parting

Almost always when a relationship ends, one person tends to shed it faster, while the other wades through the pain and grief of parting. How you respond depends on your personality type and state of dependence on your partner. It can also be impacted by the manner in which the parting happened. Did one unexpectedly walk out of the relationship while the other was unprepared? Or, was it a slow and helpless falling out of love on both sides? Did one cheat or hurt the other in any way? Was there respect in the relationship?

What helps the process is if the break is for the right reason. If two partners decide to break off to move on to more positive and fulfilling stuff, the parting is likely to be amicable. However, if one partner walks out seeking to hurt or ‘punish’ the other, the parting and subsequent interaction is bound to be acrimonious and painful for both. In order to have a peaceful after, it’s important to weed out the negativity along with the relationship.

    In deference to the relationship and earlier shared love, it is incumbent on the break-up pair to ensure the impact on the other is minimal. Some people find it helps to have a “Transition Relationship” around the time of a break up. Almost always in a break up, one person has found someone else to love, while the other is smarting under disbelief and grief.

The hurt person may attract such a temporary relationship. It is commonly looked upon as a miscalculated "relationship on the rebound." However, I prefer to look upon a transition affair as a helpful hand Destiny extends to get us through a difficult period. And since such help is needed for just a while, these
relationships, by their very nature, are short lasting.

The most critical thing to remember in the midst of the grief is that time heals all. There comes a time when tears dry up, the heartache stops and what remains is a regret for what could have been. Unless of course you have reason not to let go that last link with the relationship. One moves on and stops grieving, no matter how sharp and unnerving the parting. Knowing this as a reality in the middle of your tragedy helps. And what helps more than anything else is if both partners accord each other due respect and make an effort to help make the parting easier.

You cannot predict or dictate how a relationship ends. But you can certainly choose to let go of it with dignity. For this, it is important to first accept that the relationship has actually ended. The support of friends and family is something that should be actively sought to help tide over the worst of the crisis.

Under the stress of a breaking relationship, tempers can be mercurial; try and avoid getting into fights, and make some allowances for the other partner’s irrational words and actions; it will help you retain your sanity.

Even if you have moved into a new relationship, do not flaunt it in front of your ex or mutual friends; it can hurt like nothing else. Try and give your relationship a closure. It is important to talk as well as to listen, to discuss and together try to understand rationally and without emotion what went wrong. Also, inject a positive note by thinking of all the things you can do once you are free. Plan your days in a manner that doesn’t allow you time for brooding.

Try staying away from reminders of happy times, at least for a while. Those memories will bring a smile later, currently they will only make you miserable. Do not try to “remain friends” — at least not at this stage… it’s unnatural when you are smarting and can perhaps come later. 

If handled carefully on both sides, parting though still painful, can at least cease to be a lifelong trauma. And perhaps when you look back in the autumn of life, it can just be a sweet sorrow. . .”

 

-- Extracted from TImes Life dated November 29, 20009

Missing you…

Every song reminds of you, the cold weather, the rain wants you to be here near me. The roses on the street, the couple on the road makes me wish you were here and we would walk hand in hand again.

My cute expression reminds me how you would react to it. ‘Baby do that once again, that was so cute'. When I don't feel like eating, I think how you used to force me to eat. Like a daddy you took care. Like a lifelong friend you are always here.

I need you. I miss you. I love you. <3 <3 <3 

Bye bye Kolkata

Some days to go, and then I will leave this place, Kolkata. I never liked Kolkata mainly cuz of the colour yellow (yellow taxi) cuz of the infrastructure (the building are so crumbled up), cuz of weather (it is always so damn hot) but with passing time I realised there are something about this city that I havent come across anywhere. Taxi driver are very helping, they don't mind which Nukkad, which extra turn you want to take, no faulty meter; the amazing chai walas like Sharma's, Ajad Hind, I will never forget the mouth watering chicken tikka of Ajad hind and veg-chicken roll.

Chats of Vardhan road, the ministore of Vodafone who recharged my cell whenever I needed, all had to do is call him once and pay at my own convenience.

Kata tea- my tuition centre.They make amazing food in ground floor. during class break we have lunch in Katatea, and after lunch we had chai which helped us not to sleep in class. The tuition friends I made here Manish, Kushal, Ankur (you guys made my life easy, thanks).

From the starting of the day in Kolkata Gaurav has always been around. It was so much fun. I stopped cribbing about Kolkata when he showed me what Kolkata is all about. The day he left Kolkata I was so shattered, we tend to depend on others and we never realise. Though he had to move to GuwahatI for his job he was always there to guide me where to find stuffs I needed, how to reach there and every help possible.

Big Ben, someplace else, Aqua, Shisha, Aqua java, etc had been places I loved the most. Thanks god, some part of fantasy was covered and stayed alive cuz of someplace else. I guess it’s the only good place in Kolkata which played good rock music.

I also met Gautam, Varun. my new friends. (shit I didn’t make any girl friends, all are guys only).

Rahul bhaiya was there when i met with accident. He knows it all. thank god he was here to understand what i was going though. He helped me made my life easy. (my mom was always so scared that i wont be able to make it, it will be dark and it will be crowded and i wont be able to do it) With his hand in mind, trusting that he will take care, i walked the dark movie hall, sat near the aisle seat and watched angels and demons :) I made it. slowly things were getting easy. Diwali was not lonely as i had been to his house.

Varun had been a pampering boy. many times he used to pick me up from tuition class and we used to go eat samosa chai. It fun being around him.

I never liked eating, Kolkata made me fall in love with food.

My pg deadline rocked. before there was no deadline, now its reduced to 11 pm. but its still good. My pg is more like Flat. Early days I met my good and close friend Nikita and her bf Akshay. Those days were fun too, now they are studying in Canada, and they can’t stop cribbing about cold :P

I met my Blog friend Peter, we went to Afraa, Long Island Ice tea :) it was fun.

My roomie is the sweetest person i met in kolkata, Varsha. Already missing u varsha

I learnt to walk on the crowded road, I learnt to use the escalator again, my leg got better and I smiled again. Life seemed normal but now again a new challenge ahead. One more surgery makes me feel sick. Can’t stop thinking that I will be in bed again resting and my mom taking all the pain looking after me, again a pause and then drum rolls and here I come dancing, singing, and smiling tapping on my new foot wares :)