Me & my mother in Law

My mother in law had come home for a short visit on her way to Siliguri. It’s always so good to see her. Before my engagement I could not talk to her as a daughter as it would felt forceful but since I am engaged things have turned better. She calls me up almost every day and it has become a habit to talk to her once or twice a day. This bond feels good and I hope it stays like this forever. It was little difficult to call my mother in law as “Maa” (that is what she wanted me to call her), but now it doesn’t really matter. Indeed we both like to say and hear “Maa”. When other members of mine or his family gets confused of which mother I am referring, I tell them Mumma means my mother in law and Mummy or Maa means my mom :)

She got a pretty salwar suits for me today and now she wants a party from me since my birthday is nearing. Wow things are happening!!

To be in love

I wasn’t sure if he could make it on Vday to be with me. Every time he makes plan something or the other comes up and plans goes in “hold” mode. But this time it was destiny. Two love birds can’t be away from each other for long. He reached B'lore on 13th night.

Vday hasn’t been relatively an important day for us. May be it is important for someone who wants to propose or someone who is new to love. For someone who is already in love, every day is Vday. You don’t need a reason to express love. You don’t need “this day – that day” to show how much that person means to you. First year of relation is always exciting when you get to know so much about the person, no money problem (everything gets arranged somehow or the other) friends are there to help with needy things. Actually people around us get more excited about this new relation. As relation goes through more time span, problems and long distances it gets more matured, more understanding and that moment comes when you become inseparable (one soul).

He asked me, “What do you like in me?” I replied, “There is no one who can understand me better than you, you are extra caring, you can’t see tears in my eyes, you accept me the way I am, you can tolerate me, my anger and you forgive me for all my mistakes, you the other part of me”. He asked another question “what If I stop being like that, will you leave me?” I answered “of course not because now you are not just a person in my life you become part of me and no matter how the other part is I have to deal with .My better half indeed.”

It was amazing to spend time together. Three days he was at my place, three days I saw him first thing when I woke up. I can’t tell you, it feels so amazing to lie down on his lap and when he keeps playing with my hair, recalling past moments, trying to get naughty but mom was there so I had to be in control but he was just irresistible.

He is in same train traveling back home and he says he misses me cause we once have been together in same train traveling together.

He brought me a beautiful necklace and a pair of ear rings. I didn’t know what to get for him. I somehow managed to get his bunch of roses. To be in love feels so great. It’s the most amazing thing.

He and me

Seven years back when we started with this relationship.Everything was so charming, wistful and incredible. We had long distance relationship for one year. This happened just when I agreed to get into a relationship. Everything has a way out and we surely had ours too, to get in touch. We overcame the distance with the weekend chats on internet. Come what may, we used to be online between 4 to 6. I was in hostel in B'lore then. All of us didn’t get outings. Sometimes I sneaked out, other times I added my name in exit form of others, many other times I even made up reasons like bank work, dentist check up (though I never visited one). The times we spent between 4 to 6 during weekends were the best days of our whole week. We used to die to see each other on cam. Later, when I used to recap the whole conversation in my mind, trying to read what he never said, recalling some of the  most romantic lines and then smile alone, happy, wandering absent minded.

I was least interested which girl friend of mine spoke to which guy, what happened in Boys school, who was wearing what for socials, what was the next assignment, when the dinner bell rang. I guess I had created a different world around me by then.

A call from him would be like a celebrity call. When he said my name I felt I was among those lakhs fans of Amitabh to get a personal signature on a piece of paper.

His cute face, innocent eyes, naughty, teasing smile had done all the magic and I was so crazy about him. I counted each day to pass by as soon as possible so that I would meet him again.

It was so difficult to get him on phone. We didn’t have mobile phones then (actually sounds like “Hamare jamane main” types). The fortunate day I got him on call I thought myself to be the luckiest girl for the day. Pura paisa wasool even though on ISD call :) Once I had called him, the next line he had said was "Thank God you called, I was so pissed because of my aunt. Now I will be all fine. I was so restless but now I found peace". I don’t know if he remembers he had told me so, but at that time and even today I think it is something that has a lot of significance.

Today when he called he was little pissed off. Some kinda Work pressure. I was waiting for his call since hours. He hardly spoke for 4 minutes and he hung up saying he had a bad mood and would prefer to be left alone. He is not a person who says so. Actually I am. When I am angry I choose to be alone, think about it for some time and forget it. No one on earth can console me when I have moodswings. I choose to be myself because at times you have to deal with your things and no one else can make it less (For him there is no word called I. I meant We, he and me). Knowing this side of me he was always there, ready to listen to 'Furious me', he being so 'calm and composed'. Today when I am still there, he chose to be alone. I don’t know why but it felt weird. Felt that the magic of 'my presence fading his sorrows' is fading away.

P.S - I know RD, it’s not like this.. maybe I am thinking too hard. I just felt like sharing.

I love you

Parting can be sweet sorrow

 

When a relationship ends, one person tends to shed it off faster, while the other wades through the pain and grief of parting

Almost always when a relationship ends, one person tends to shed it faster, while the other wades through the pain and grief of parting. How you respond depends on your personality type and state of dependence on your partner. It can also be impacted by the manner in which the parting happened. Did one unexpectedly walk out of the relationship while the other was unprepared? Or, was it a slow and helpless falling out of love on both sides? Did one cheat or hurt the other in any way? Was there respect in the relationship?

What helps the process is if the break is for the right reason. If two partners decide to break off to move on to more positive and fulfilling stuff, the parting is likely to be amicable. However, if one partner walks out seeking to hurt or ‘punish’ the other, the parting and subsequent interaction is bound to be acrimonious and painful for both. In order to have a peaceful after, it’s important to weed out the negativity along with the relationship.

    In deference to the relationship and earlier shared love, it is incumbent on the break-up pair to ensure the impact on the other is minimal. Some people find it helps to have a “Transition Relationship” around the time of a break up. Almost always in a break up, one person has found someone else to love, while the other is smarting under disbelief and grief.

The hurt person may attract such a temporary relationship. It is commonly looked upon as a miscalculated "relationship on the rebound." However, I prefer to look upon a transition affair as a helpful hand Destiny extends to get us through a difficult period. And since such help is needed for just a while, these
relationships, by their very nature, are short lasting.

The most critical thing to remember in the midst of the grief is that time heals all. There comes a time when tears dry up, the heartache stops and what remains is a regret for what could have been. Unless of course you have reason not to let go that last link with the relationship. One moves on and stops grieving, no matter how sharp and unnerving the parting. Knowing this as a reality in the middle of your tragedy helps. And what helps more than anything else is if both partners accord each other due respect and make an effort to help make the parting easier.

You cannot predict or dictate how a relationship ends. But you can certainly choose to let go of it with dignity. For this, it is important to first accept that the relationship has actually ended. The support of friends and family is something that should be actively sought to help tide over the worst of the crisis.

Under the stress of a breaking relationship, tempers can be mercurial; try and avoid getting into fights, and make some allowances for the other partner’s irrational words and actions; it will help you retain your sanity.

Even if you have moved into a new relationship, do not flaunt it in front of your ex or mutual friends; it can hurt like nothing else. Try and give your relationship a closure. It is important to talk as well as to listen, to discuss and together try to understand rationally and without emotion what went wrong. Also, inject a positive note by thinking of all the things you can do once you are free. Plan your days in a manner that doesn’t allow you time for brooding.

Try staying away from reminders of happy times, at least for a while. Those memories will bring a smile later, currently they will only make you miserable. Do not try to “remain friends” — at least not at this stage… it’s unnatural when you are smarting and can perhaps come later. 

If handled carefully on both sides, parting though still painful, can at least cease to be a lifelong trauma. And perhaps when you look back in the autumn of life, it can just be a sweet sorrow. . .”

 

-- Extracted from TImes Life dated November 29, 20009