There are things that we deal with every day and when we read an article, blog post or even listen to what others are saying, we relate it to the things we deal with in our life.
Like Peter (a co blog friend) said, first of all you have to be READY for change, and be willing to go along with whatever comes your way. It made me think of my present situation. I never knew marriage would mean so many changes and that daily routine change to such an extent, that you become a completely different person. These changes may not be seen 100% in behaviour but yes nearly 100% in tasks. I have begun to understand that I was not totally ready to accept the changes that would come with marriage.
There are things I get to hear which I have never heard. There are some customs which are not followed at my father’s house but now I am left with no option but to follow it. I ask myself, “Why should I follow such weird traditions which don’t make sense to me.” These thoughts of mine hurt me and others as well. I am hurt thinking why strange cultures are thrown at me and I am asked to blindly accept it. On the other hand my family is hurt when I ask them if it is necessary to accept such senseless customs. I get a feeling that they might think what kind of abnormal daughter in law (DIL) I am who asks so many questions and who has issues with everything.
Before DIL had to follow everything told to them without a question but now things have changed. Ladies are no more scared to question for knowledge and In-laws are no more shocked to see their DIL wanting to know so much.
Every family has different traditions. Like how parents nurture their child from childhood, teach them values and norms, in the same way it’s their duty to nurture and teach their DIL the exact same things in the same way. Conflicting thoughts cross a girls mind when she compares her mother’s house customs and her husband’s house’s customs. When a person has been doing things in a certain way and has to change their pattern, they face some difficulties in the beginning.
When I spoke to my husband about this, he supported me completely but he also asked if I can accept certain rules which don’t make sense to me but makes sense to my in-laws just for their happiness. Not following things would not make me sad, but if it can make at them happy then why shouldn't I just blindly follow it for their happiness? My answer to that was - when my heart is not ready to accept some things I cannot do it, no matter for whom. I know it is bizarre to see me so stubborn but I think first I should be “ready” to accept and then only I can accept.
From day one of my marriage, hundred things are thrown at me to follow, let me choose seventy five of them to follow and twenty five not to. Why should I follow everything when my heart is not ready? May be at some point in time I will understand things and then I will be ready for the changes.
Yesterday we had “khichdi” for dinner. I being a lover of “khichdi ka Roti” asked my mother in law if the dough can last till next morning so that I could have the same menu for my breakfast too. She replied that, they don’t keep leftover dough for next morning. I asked my Mother in law (MIL) if this was some kind of custom of the family or that our grandmother does not allow. She said that she doesn't know the answer to it because she had been following this since she got married (In those time they were not allow to question anything to anyone). After hearing all this I felt I am blessed to have a MIL who is so frank with me and with whom I can tell and share anything.
Yes, accepting new things take time and it can only be accepted when I am ready to accept change in my life. It is not necessary that just because I have completed six months of my marriage I should by now get well adjusted to all these norms. It can take a lifetime to adjust, after all life is all about making compromises.
