Up to date...

Quick catch up. Little Mighty is progressing well.  He started OT today.  He'll have OT 2x a week and we will possibly add speech and PT later on.  Right now, they think that neglect is the cause of his delays and he'll catch up quick.  His baby sister is going to be born tomorrow.  If she tests positive, C*P*S will take her into care and she'll come live with her big brother here at our house. Bios have been complaining endlessly about how Little Mighty is dressed for winter, his infant car seat and in general, about ME!  I wish the workers would just tell then that MY parenting skills aren't under a microscope right now!!! Grrrr!!!

 I've been preparing for Sprout's 4th birthday. I still cannot believe he'll be 4!!! It went so fast! He loves pre-school and is such a smart boy! Christmas shopping has been put on the back burner and I really have to get on that.  We 'adopted' a sibling group of 3 in foster care for Christmas.  I have been very busy making sure that their lists are done and wrapped and they'll be delivered later this week.  More soon.

Because that's just the way they roll...

If sarcastic had a font...this WHOLE post would be written in THAT FONT!!!

I LOVE the way CPS schedules an impromptu meeting with me then asks me if we'd be willing to take Baby Sister (who STILL needs a blog name).  They ask me to rearrange my schedule to accommodate a newborn.  Dr's appointments, longer visit times to promote bonding, yada yada...

THEN this week, the agency worker is telling me 'Well, it might not even happen'. 
Ok, did I mention that I shopped??? No big deal if it doesn't happen but WHY not WAIT to tell me about it then??  Supposedly THAT is the reason they scheduled the meeting. 

THEN, THEN I called the county worker and she is almost SURE we're getting baby sister.  Can anyone BE more unaware of what's going on?  I feel like the agency works to keep me on my toes.  The county does their best to keep me as informed as I need to be.  Right now, we ARE planning on taking Baby Sister.  Little Mighty has not been feeling well since the weekend and his visit was rescheduled for tomorrow.  He had a cold, an ear infection and high fever.  He is finally looking better and hopefully on the mend.  Bio parents were adamant that I not see one specific Dr in the pediatrician's office.  This HAPPENS to be the Dr that admitted them and obviously they are not happy.  There are 2 Dr's int he practice now that I 'cannot make appointments with'.  Whatever dude.  I am seriously clueless about how this case will end.  The Dr and Barbie, the transporter are the only ones who seem to see these bios for what and who they really are.  It's very hard for me to be impartial.  I see what neglect has done to Little Mighty and it makes me angry with them.   

Shopping...

I'm getting a bit anxious about New Baby Sister (who desperately needs a blog name).  I already know what her full name will be. Bio parents told me a few weeks ago.  They are VERY excited about her name and if you ask me, it's mean. So she needs a cute nickname and a blog name! I've purchased a few things since I found out we are getting her.  Little Mighty was born scheduled C-section and he was 6 pounds.  I shopped according to that.  I still have to buy diapers, socks, pacifiers and decide what bottles I'm going to use.  I am also crocheting a blanket for her :) Stay tuned. Just a few more weeks!!! 

They asked...

The county worker and Genie, the agency worker, stopped by on Wednesday. The county worker asked if we'd be willing to take Little Mighty's baby sister when she's born next month. We said yes. I know they're not telling me everything because the worker TOLD ME she's not telling me everything. I guess that bio mom gave permission for C*P*S to have her test results from her ob/gyn and they came back positive for drugs. (Little Mighty was also born with a positive tox screen and able to go home with bios).  

Bio mom doesn't know that the baby will be taken and I'm sure she will go crazy.  The county worker also mentioned that bio mom is complaining she needs a bigger house because she wants each child to have their own room so they don't wake each other up. Then Genie suggested that bio mom have the new baby room with her and bio dad and she said something like she doesn't want the new baby in her room because she didn't want to hear her cry. Did I mention that they (we) think that Little Mighty was left alone in a crib (or pack n play) and not stimulated or fed??  I'm thinking its a good call on the county's part! New baby sister needs a blog name! 

And so goes the roller coaster...

Just thought I'd mention that the agency worker has already told me not to get too attached to Little Mighty.  I am quite aware that the goal is always reunification.  But this boy as been neglected for the first almost 11 months of his life.  It's about time he find out how nice life is supposed to be.  Little Mighty is almost crawling now. He can get up on both hands and knees and rock.  He can (with support) lean on something standing on his knees.  He is eating quite well.  A 6-8 ounce bottle of formula for breakfast with a 6 ounce jar of cereal/fruit.  A 6-8 ounce bottle about 3 hours later.  He'll take a 2 hour morning nap.  For lunch he usually eats 2- 4 ounce jars (one fruit and one veggie) and a 6-8 ounce bottle again.  He'll play for a while then have another bottle and go down for a short nap.  When he wakes up he's eating another 2- 4 ounce jars (one dinner or veggie and one fruit) and before bed he'll have another 6-8 ounce bottle.  I thicken his baby food with a bit of rice cereal so it doesn't fall off the spoon.  This also is preparing him to eat thicker textures.  He has no aversion to textures that I can tell of.  He loves Ger*ber puffs and wagon wheel*s.  He also loves pudding, mashed potatoes, scrambled egg, and pizza crust.  He has 8 teeth...4 up top and 4 on the bottom.  He never turns food away.  He will keep eating until he gags.  The first few times I fed him I gave him 8 ounce bottles and then his jar food and he spit up a bit.  When we limit his bottle to 6 ounces he does much better.  He does take a pacifier.  I am trying to limit this to nap and bedtimes because of his teeth. 

That being said...

Last week we had someone new transport for the visit and HE said that the bio parents are appropriate and the visit went well.  Ok, what now?!?! 

On Wednesday, the agency worker (Genie) transported and supervised and said that there were a few red flags.  Bio mom is complaining again that she has to feed Little Mighty during the visit.  In MY defense, it was during a meal time.  She also complained that since I get his W*I*C checks that she has no money to buy food.  But they BOTH smoke cigarettes.  She made no effort to look in his diaper or change him while he was in her care.  She just sits there and complains about ME! 

On Friday, Barbie transported and supervised and she is such a realist.  She told me that the bio dad said that the neighbors smoke p0t next door and it must be seeping through the walls.  (Is anyone else laughing right now??)  Bio mom said I am abusive because Little Mighty gained so much weight in such a short time.  She also complained that she has a Urinary Tr@ct infection and that she missed her mental health counseling appointment and hope she doesn't get in trouble for it.  Her new baby is due next month and I am waiting to hear if they're going to be removing this one as well. 

This ride is crazy and I cannot predict the outcome.  I can only do my best with Little Mighty and HOPE it's what he needs at this time in his life. 

Ya just can't fix stupid...

Yesterday, I was asked to bring Little Mighty up to the county building to have him fitted for a new convertible car seat.  His bios asked the agency worker who, in turn, asked me.  I didn't understand why he needed to be there but I went {out of curiosity}.
Bios have never greeted me appropriately.  Yesterday was no different.  Yesterday, bio mom just said "that is the temporary foster mom.  LM is coming home tomorrow."  While her statement of me being the foster mom is TRUE...she could have begun our time together with a simple HELLO!!! We proceeded to the back room to fill out paper work and get a car seat.  Bio dad is a talker.  He just keeps talking and talking but nothing he says really makes sense or matters to the conversation.  Kind of like verbal diarrhea. 
He was explaining that they needed a new infant seat because the one they had was broken.  (When I picked Little Mighty up from the hospital, they had a brand new car seat.  I chose not to use it because it smelled like smoke.  I returned it to them.  The car seat they brought to exchange was a totally different car seat!)  He said that the one from the hospital was borrowed and had since been returned.  We all introduced ourselves to the instructor and then watched a video of car seat safety.  (All the while I was questioning why I had to be there).  The instructor came back in to the room with a convertible car seat and an infant seat.  We filled out some registration papers and started to go through how to install the car seat.  Bio mom then asked the instructor if she could have a GIRL car seat because she is expecting a baby girl.  The instructor was a little taken back and told her no, they only had gender neutral car seats.  Bio mom started to complain about how LM was kicking her very pregnant stomach and handed him to bio dad.  Bio dad kept telling me what an awesome kid LM is.  (I already know that!)  Bio mom took out her phone and brought up the definition of mal*nutrition (which is undernourishment caused by poor diet).  She told me that since they were feeding him and he wasn't gaining weight that's not their fault and it's NOT neglect.  I just sat there and listened and thought to myself "ya can't fix stupid".  We were there for about 20 minutes before I took Little Mighty our of the car seat. I wondered why no one wanted to get him out sooner. They proceeded to tell the instructor all about how they already know how to install car seats and ask if they could bring home BOTH car seats.  The instructor said that the convertible seat was going home with LM because it's FOR HIM.  They were not happy.  (I think they planned on selling it.  They don't have a car and they don't drive.  The hospital would give them a car seat when they tried to leave the hospital without one).  When Little Mighty started getting fussy I took out the bottle I had prepared and snuggled him to feed him.  He drank about 3 ounces (of the 8 ) and began playing.  I handed him to bio mom.  It was about 45 minutes of instructions and passing the baby back and forth between mom and dad. When it was finally over, bio mom asked if I'd drive them home (they walk EVERYWHERE) and she'd give me gas money.  I said yes because it was raining (but I requested that the agency worker come as well...she said yes)  It was an 8 minute drive home and all bio mom complained about was the fact that she still didn't have a girl car seat and bio dad complained about the instructor because she was VERY detail oriented.  Then bio dad tells bio mom that he's going to buy a girl print car seat and use this new one as a back up.  (insert HUGE eye roll here!!!)  AHHH!  Why did I just waste an HOUR of MY LIFE to do this is if they're not even going to use it?!?!  THEN. When I dropped them off at their house he told me I could leave the convertible car seat.  I told him that I'll bring it with LM's things when he comes home after court tomorrow.  (2 can play his game).  Foster mom -1 Bio dad- 0
:)

Then today, well let me start by saying this...
Each case in foster care is as different as each child. Just when you think you have things figured out, something twisted and crazy pops up.  Little Mighty was left in a car while his parents took his older sister into a department store to use the bathroom.  They see nothing wrong with this...which TO ME translates to THEY'LL DO IT AGAIN!  Let me rewind.  Since visits are now in the bios home I only have to transport one way and only to the agency building where someone then takes LM and continues on to his parents house.   The agency case worker, lets call her *Genie, has transported and supervised visits so far.  Now that visits are in the home there is someone else who will transport and supervise the visit.  Today, that person was *Barbie.  When Barbie dropped LM off after the visit I asked her how it went.  She was VERY unhappy with the bios attitude.  This was her first time meeting them and she was greeted with bio dad coming out to her car with a bottle of water saying that the priest was coming over to bless the house because someone committed suicide there.  She said she was a little overwhelmed with his personality.  Then she brought LM into the house and bio mom was sitting on the couch all quiet because "she didn't get her baby back today".  Barbie was a bit freaked by them.  She said that they left LM on the floor in the living room to show her around the house.  She said that bio dad showed her the paper work from when they left LM in the car sleeping when they went into the department store.  He kept defending himself saying he did nothing wrong.  They kept saying that they weren't happy that I was holding his bottle to feed him and they felt that he should be holding it himself.  (While I totally agree with them...LM is VERY delayed because of lack of nutrition and stimulation. He needs to bond and feeding is one way to do that with an ALMOST 1 year old).  Bio mom told Barbie that the only reason LM gained 7oz (it was 2 pounds) in the hospital those first 5 days was because the nurses gave him minced meat.  Barbie was quick on her feet and asked why THEY weren't giving him 'minced meat' if they knew that would help him gain weight.  They claim they were feeding him and yet Barbie had to tell them to feed him lunch or at least prompt them to ask if he's eaten yet. 

When Barbie brought him home to me I was SOOOO glad to hear her be REAL (unlike Genie) and tell me what really happened and how she REALLY feels this case should end.  While I do appreciate Genie for being impartial I REALLY hope Barbie will be transporting and supervising the 3 visits per week from now on. 

**Names have to changed to protect identities.

I am trying to be very detail oriented in documenting because of the lenience of the court in this county.  I am also getting in touch with LM's law guardian prior to court being continued in 2 weeks. 

Visits...

Little Mighty is scheduled for visits 3 days a week for an hour at a time.  So far, both parents have shown for visits. Today, it was just bio dad for the hour.  The agency worker said that he was appropriate.  Little Mighty came back to me exhausted.  Bio mom is expecting another baby very soon. I don't understand why she'd schedule an appointment during the hour in which she can visit with her son?! 

He gained 4 POUNDS!!!

Yes. You read that right.  Little Mighty gained 4 pounds in 9 days. His little belly is still distended and he has a bit of conjunctivitis but overall he's healthy and happy...and 4 pounds heavier!  This has given him the stability to be able to sit up unassisted.  He is now able to push up on his upper arms and get his tiny legs underneath himself in effort to begin crawling.  Look out world!! Here comes Little Mighty!

Got a call...

I can't begin to tell you how defeated I felt after we asked The Lost Boy to be placed in another home.  I questioned my ability to continue to foster and even turned down a few calls.  I was afraid that the 'grace' had lifted and our time of foster care came to a crashing end.  I couldn't even bow out gracefully.  The home finder called me for a 3 year old girl who was on the Au*tism Spectru*m. She was non-verbal.  I said no.  They called me for a sibling set of 2 found wandering the streets in the county next to us.  They were 2 and 3 years old.   They called me AGAIN for the 3 year old girl.  No placements just felt...right.  I considered cleaning out my foster care stash and moving on with life.  Sprout is almost 4 and we are out of the diapers, bottles and stroller stage.  We pretty much can go anywhere and just get up and go.  A few weeks went by and I got really comfortable just BEING a family...without foster care. 

Then the phone rang. 

It was a Friday afternoon (October 20th).  The home finder called to tell me that they were expecting a child to be placed in care on Monday morning (3 days away).  I said yes and asked her to keep me aware of what was going on but I truly did not expect her to call me back.  Monday morning she called to tell me that this little one would be discharged later that day.  He had been in the hospital since the 15th of October due to neglect and a suspicion of Failure to Thrive.  I met the case worker up at the hospital and was introduced to this tiny, little boy.  He looked right through me and my heart broke as I listened to the nurse tell me how neglected he was.  She said that in the 5 days he was in the hospital he gained 2 pounds and came alive.  With the hugs and love and FOOD from the nurses he was starting to show his personality.  This sweet boy had been left in a car in a department store parking lot while BOTH of his parents and older sister went 
in to shop.  I know it sounds insane...but that's NOT what brought him into care.  I'm still trying to understand the events that led him to us but it sounds as if the Dr was not happy with his growth.  In fact, the bio parents switched Dr's because they didn't like what the Dr had to say about this boys weight.  He has not been growing for quite a while and when the Dr sent them for blood work, they switched pediatric offices.  The Dr at the new office sent him to the hospital and admitted him.  So, he is here and doing well.  For all this little one has endured in his short 11 months on earth, his blog name will be Little Mighty.

The Lost Boy...Part THREE

Finally home with the Lost Boy.  I introduced him to Sprout in the car and told him what to expect at our home.  I told him about the dog, the pool and the toys.  I explained that we were going to have a good time.  When I looked at him in my rear view mirror he wasn't even phased.  He was just smiling out the window and babbling to himself.  The worker told me that he was probably on the Autis*m spectrum but he hadn't been evaluated or diagnosed.  When we got home, my goal was to keep him and Sprout busy until bedtime.  The Lost Boy babbled...a lot.  There were very few spoken works that first day.  We played with chalk, we rode bikes, had snacks and took a long walk.  By dinner time I thought he'd be starving.  When I served him his dinner he didn't even look at the plate.  He just got up from the table and walked away.  We finished eating and I asked him if he wanted cereal and he came back to me.  He ate about 1/2 of the marshmallows out of the box of Luck*y Charms.  Then asked for more.  Every tooth in his little mouth was rotten and broken.  I'm sure it was hard for him to chew.  I can't imagine the pain.  We sang songs and then it was bath time.  I took off his pull-up and sat him on the potty.  He made this awful noise and cried the whole time he sat there.  I was very patient and wiped his tears away as I explained that he's a big boy and he could do it. He thrashed and screamed but finally pe*ed.  I had the water already in the tub and coaxed him in.  He resisted at first but after a while, he didn't want to get out.  I need to mention that the worker said he was very impacted.  He hadn't gone to the bathroom in days.  There were stains in his pull*up.  Things were going so well that I wondered why someone thought he was a difficult child.  I anticipated some issues with bedtime.  I got him in his pj's and we went back downstairs for some TV time.  About 30 minutes later it was WELLLL after the 8pm bedtime the worker told me about.  (It was closer to 11:30) We read 3 books (just him and I) and I hugged him and kissed his neck, sang him a song and put him in the crib.  I put the turtle dream*lite on with the music and blue stars on the ceiling.  He settles down quickly but babbled a bit.  I sat at the top of the stairs with the door open until I though he was asleep.  30 minutes later I was cleaning up dinner dishes and the living room.  My husband took care of Sprout and got him settled in for the night.  I set up the video monitor and went to bed.  I didn't sleep well as I remembered all the things the worker said about the previous foster home.  I was on HIGH alert.  Every time I turned over (which was often) I looked at the monitor to make sure he was still in his bed.  He woke up at 6am fussing and babbling.  I got him up and brought him downstairs.  I gave him some dry cereal and a sippy cup and snuggled with him on the couch.  Hubby came down and got ready for work.  He kissed me goodbye and rubbed The Lost Boy's head.  About 10 minutes later...the screaming started and didn't stop until about noon.  I couldn't understand what the difference was from one day to the next.  It was if he looked right through me.  It made me so angry.  Who did this to him? He was 4.  One of his only understandable words was flag.  My older kids were getting angry with the screaming.  He wouldn't let me hold him and he started mimicking punching and hitting me.  I had no choice but to call the worker.  Her first words were...I was wondering when you'd call.  You lasted longer than most.  She came to pick him up less than 24 hours from the moment I met him.  My heart is sad.  There is a 4 year old in residential care tonight because his mother didn't know how to deal with her special needs child so she kept him in the house and locked him in his room.  She let him use the kitchen floor as a bathroom and fed him only 3 typed of food and tons of orange soda.  My heart is heavy even now...3 weeks later as I type this.  I wish we could have done more.  I wish he was given a chance sooner.  I wish he was taken sooner.  I have offered to be a familiar face and to visit him at the hospital as his mother has chosen not to see him or his sister since he entered care.  I was told that now is not the time.  He needs to be evaluated first.  Please pray for the Lost Boy.  Pray for healing and wholeness to his little body. Pray for wisdom for the workers.  Pray for the right family to be willing to have this boy placed with them.  Just pray. 

The Lost Boy...Part TWO

This boy had been in care only a few weeks and he'd been moved 5 times.  I can't help but feel that these foster parents were not prepared for the child that was brought to them.  How could 4 different families turn him away?  I kept praying for this Lost Boy to find a place that would accept him for who he is and love him where he was at.  My favorite agency worker called me at 4 o'clock on a Friday afternoon.  The Lost Boy was in her back seat being moved again.  She had no where to bring him.  Could I take him...just for the weekend?  There was a bed open in residential care and he would be evaluated but they were waiting on financing to come through.   Please.  Could I hold him just for the weekend?  PLEASE?!?!

I said yes.
 
I picked him up in a restaurant parking lot.  His eyes were searching and his hands reached out for mine.  He smiled and the first thing I noticed was that every tooth in the top of his mouth was rotted and broken.  Did I mention he's only 4?  He climbed up into the truck and I buckled him into his booster seat.  I told him about our house and introduced him to Sprout.  The worker transferred all his things into my truck and told me she was on call all weekend.  Call if I need ANYTHING.  We were off.

I drove down the highway praying "God, I asked you to place him somewhere that he'd get what he needs.  I asked you to give him someone that would love him despite his inability to express love back.  I prayed for this boy to be in a home where he'd hear about you and learn of how much You love him". 

I heard that still, small voice say "Look in your back seat.  I did."

The Lost Boy...Part ONE

A few weeks back my favorite case worker from the agency called me and mentioned to me that there was a sibling set that came into care.  A little boy and his sister.  She said they needed clothes because they came with almost nothing.   I told the worker I'd put the word out.  I explained that the foster mom should save her initial clothing allowance for school clothes and that I could probably get some summer things together from some friends of mine.  I put the word out on my social media page that there was a need and my friends (as always) came through.  A week went by and I handed the clothes to the worker.  She told me that the boy was 4 and his sister was 7.  She also told me that the sister wasn't a size 10/12 as previously told...she was a 14/16.  The worker went on to tell me that this is one of the most horrifying cases of neglect that they've seen.  After 4 days in care they had to separate the siblings, who have no bond, and move the boy to another home.  It seems as if their bio mom kept him in his room, naked.  They weren't allowed out of their trailer.  Bio mom doesn't read or write so she couldn't take advantage of services like W (I) C.  She fed her kids ONLY frozen pizza, orange soda, chicken nuggets and crinkle cut fries.  While the girl (7) seems a bit self absorbed she is almost age appropriate.  The boy, on the other hand, was extremely delayed...functioning at the level of a 1.5 year old.  The current foster home was also having trouble with him and they were looking to move him...again.  Bio mom let him run around naked and urinate on the kitchen floor.  He sounded feral. From the day I found out about him, I prayed.  I prayed that God would place him in a home that could accommodate his special needs.  I prayed that he would recover from his years of abuse.  I prayed that he would find peace and comfort away from what he has always known.  A few weeks went by and I heard through the grapevine that he was moved again...twice.  It made my heart so sad.  They began talking about inpatient care and it broke me. 
Then I heard he was moved for a 5th time.

Calm, quiet, sick...

Smiley left and Spicy girl came for respite for 10 days.  Such a sweet baby girl.  My friend has been fostering her for the past 7 weeks and no one knows this but it's a pretty high profile case in this area.  Spicy girl is 9 months old and SO independent.  She is VERY tiny and LOVES to chatter.  She adjusted well to the chaos in our very busy home and definitely bonded with Sprout.  My friend came to get her on Sunday and it was sad to see her go.  I get her again next weekend for the night and we are all looking forward to having her back even if it's only for a day.  Little Train's foster mom contacted me this week to ask if I's take him for respite at the end of the month.  I told her that as long as the agency says yes, of course we'd LOVE to have him here. 

It's not easy being babyless.  I am constantly thinking I left someone upstairs or outside and it's only my imagination.  Sprout is potty trained (yeaaah) and so when I leave the house I'm always rethinking the diaper bag...do I need it or not?!
I've been cleaning and reorganizing my baby items and trying to purge the things I don't need.  I've also been sick since Spicy girl left.  So I'm kind of happy I haven't been called for another baby...not that I would say no...  :)

Smiley's gone...

Smiley left us a few days ago. He is now with paternal grandma, who has custody of him. Found out from grandma that bio mom refused drug court. That scares me only because bio mom was doing so well.  My fear is that now grandma has custody, bio mom will become complacent in working a plan and Smiley will linger with grandma.  This was not good news. I know drug court is hard and there are many requirements but there is a lot of accountability and bio mom had a fast chance at getting him back.  I know grandma loves him and he'll be ok.  I wish him the best.

No news on the heart baby.  I don't think it's happening.  I'm waiting on a friend to bring her foster baby here for a week.  Spicy Girl is 8 months old and tiny.  Just respite but I'm excited... 

Going and coming...

Smiley is packed up and ready to leave to go to paternal grandma's tomorrow.  This is the third time he's been packed but I have been  assured that the paperwork is in and the county is recommending that he be placed with grandma. So, we'll know more in the morning.  

I called the agency home finder regarding more information on the heart baby and as of this morning CPS had not been contacted and a report had not been filed on biological parents. I'm not getting my hopes up with this one.  So, by this time tomorrow, the house should be a bit more quiet.  

Enjoy the ride...

I know I can choose to get off this ride at any time.  That being said...  The baby we thought we were going to be bringing home as a possible new member of our family will not be coming home to us after all.  The state the baby was born in is going to take custody.  While disappointed, I know that God's plans are for GOOD!  I know my heart is in the right place and I'm trusting He knows best!

 The home finder said she has another baby that may need us very soon.  Another heart baby. This baby has some very special needs and I am nervous but I know that if God calls me to do this, HE will give me the wisdom and the strength I need to follow through.  Will give more details when I know more. 

Breadcrumbs and surrender...

You know how in the story Hansel and Gretel they leave breadcrumbs so they know how to get home again?  Well, there have been may breadcrumbs to help me believe I'm on the right path towards fulfilling God's purpose for me on this earth.  The desire to adopt began when I was about 12.  The thought of adding a child to my family through adoption was intriguing.  The idea of a child without a mother and father to adore and lavish them with love broke my heart.  So, the seed of adoption was planted.  I never though about biological vs. adopted children. I never planned on how many boys or girls I wanted.  I just figured I'd let God take care of it and I'd just be willing. When my husband and I had out first child there was still the idea of adoption but looking back...God's plan is perfect and His timing is even better.  Fast forward 6 years into our marriage and 4 kids later...we decided to foster with hope of adoption.  We have brought many babies into this house through foster care.  We have given them stability, patience and love.  We have kissed their necks, wiped their tears and handed them back over to family members or biological parents with hopes that in the time they were with us we've made a difference in their lives. 5 years into our journey through the foster system, we were placed with a newborn boy who was considered 'pre-adoptive'.  In this system, that means no more than giving a little extra hope that this boy would be staying forever.   This was my dream...to adopt.  728 days after this boy was placed with us...he became our son.  The 728 day wait was nothing more than a roller coaster of emotions filled with tears, joys, patience and HOPE.  My eyes seem to have a permanent set of rose colored glasses affixed to them so my only prayer was "God, I want to be in YOUR will.  I want to KNOW this boy is supposed to be ours forever."  God could not have made it any more clear. 

We have enjoyed watching Sprout grow every day.  No matter how naughty he gets or how loud he whines, I STILL take nothing for granted.  This boy is my dream come true.  A dream fulfilled by God Himself!  Sprout is now 3 1/2 years old.  I have prayed for a brother for him since I found out his biological mother was expecting another baby.  She gave birth to a boy over 18 months ago and she is parenting him well enough that he has not come into care.  We prayed for God's will in that situation and he has made it clear that Sprout's bio 1/2 brother is not to be ours.  At least not right now.  In my praying I have begun to pray specifically.  I wanted either another child from birth or an 18-24 month old that Sprout can grow up with.  A pre-adoptive child so we'd at least know how the case was headed.  On Thursday, when the home finder called for a pre-adoptive baby who has been abandoned at the hospital I about freaked. 

There are MANY reasons why this phone call should not have been to MY home.  ***Considering Smiley is still here when he was supposed to leave 5 weeks ago. 
***The fact that we have already adopted and the fact that there are MANY people waiting for a pre-adoptive placement. 
***Since we have 5 children and there are people out there who are waiting and have NONE.

I could go on and on.  It still baffles me that she called MY house.  But I KNOW that it's God's way of giving me BREADCRUMBS to show me that I'm on the right path.  I have not heard whether this new baby is a boy or a girl.  I just know there was a baby in the hospital who needed a mommy and I wanted to be that mommy.  When I called the home finder for more info about this baby and to see if I could go up to the hospital and snuggle him/her I found out some discouraging news.  Baby is not at the hospital a few minutes away as we originally thought.  This baby is in a neighboring state over 3 hours away because bio mom was high when she gave birth and was told that if she went to 'this state' they wouldn't care that she was high.  She had the baby and checked herself out leaving no plan for the baby.  I don't even know if this baby has a name. 

To rewind a minute, there have been a few things that I have wanted to have for our 'next child'.  (That's faith in action right there!)  I have been looking for a specific car seat for a while now and actually had it in my hand earlier this year.  BRAND NEW and 1/3 of the normal price.  Last night someone listed the exact same car seat on an online sale site and I was actually the first to respond.  Um, THAT NEVER HAPPENS to me!! While picking up the car seat today in conversation with the seller I explained how excited I was that I finally found this car seat and that I was the first responder.  She proceeded to explain to me that she has listed this car seat MANY times before and NO ONE has ever even commented on it.  BREADCRUMB!?!?!  I told her I was expecting to bring home a new baby through foster care this week and she said that it was just waiting for me.  I agree. 

I haven't shopped AT ALL (and it's killing me) for this baby because 1) I don't know if it's a boy or girl and 2) Not sure if it's happening.  This could all be preparing our hearts for the next call.  But I have SURRENDERED MY WILL to God and I'm trusting him that HIS plans are good.  My only prayer is that while we do wait to hear about this baby that there is SOMEONE in that hospital loving on him/her and snuggling this sweet baby until his/her 'mama' can. 

Got a call...

The agency home finder called this morning. She asked if I was willing to take a newborn.  Baby born Tuesday (today's Thursday.) I said yes and I'm waiting for a call back for approval to visit the baby who is still in the hospital.  They're thinking discharge will be in 7-10 days.  More as it happens...

A dream come true...

Just to catch you up...Smiley is still here.  We're still waiting on paternal g-mas clearance to come back. The end of this month is the next court date. He has cut 2 teeth and is starting to crawl. He is really a happy baby and adjusting well...just in time to go to grandmas 😕. 

In other news, I had an amazing opportunity yesterday. My spy friend called and asked if I wanted to meet Sprouts bio brother. He is now 18 months old and still living with bio mom. It took me all of 2 seconds to say yes. I had an hour to love on him and play with him. What an amazing feeling. Sprout has no clue who the baby was but I'm so excited to have those pictures forever. I last time I held him was the day he was born. It was such an exciting day. 

Re-cert

The agency home finder came to re-cert us yesterday.  Everything looks good. I told her we were thinking about adoption again. A boy, between the ages of 15 and 36 months.  Our re-cert says we're certified for 2 but that's only for siblings. 

Sprouts brother is still home with bio mom and he's 18 months old now.  There is rumors she's selling drugs but no proof.  CPS has been called on her twice but the county she lives in is not very strict at all. He had a full cast on his leg for a broken ankle a month ago.  But I've kind of knives up hope he'll come into care.  Realistically, I don't know if I'd want to deal with bio mom again. So, Smiley leaves next week and we'll have room for 2 more. Only a God knows what the future holds.  

Still here...

Well, Smiley is still here. The agency worker called after court to tell me that he'll be staying until the SCR clearances come back for grandma.  Funny thing is, she is a state employee. So, I get to love on Smiley a bit longer.  His first tooth is finally coming through (bottom left) and he is much happier.  He is still chewing on everything and drooling a ton so I'm sure there's will be more teeth poking through soon. 

Court tomorrow...

I know I haven't posted much about Smiley.  He has been here since mid-May and he is such a happy baby.  He turned 8 months old while with us.  He is not yet sitting up or crawling.  His bio mom has court for him tomorrow and it looks like he'll be leaving to go live with paternal grandma. Bio mom will still have to work a case plan through the county and they will monitor her progress.  If I'm correct...paternal grandma will have to give the ok for Smiley to go home to bio mom.  I was told that paternal grandma was going to withdraw her petition for custody when bio mom was released from jail because she 'just didn't want Smiley in foster care".  Bio mom is very happy with him being with us.  So, tomorrow, after court I will get a phone call that either Smiley is meeting at D*S*S for a visit with bio mom and grandma OR he is going to live with grandma.  I'm ok.  I'll miss his Smile and loving on a baby but we all know they don't always stay. 

Content...

Little Train left a week ago tomorrow.  Smiley is still here and settling in well.  I LOVED having 3 boys to take care of and especially a playmate for my Sprout.  I know Little Train will thrive in his current foster home.  Smiley had his first visit with his mom outside of the walls of the county jail.  She seemed a bit frazzled but I can tell she loves her baby boy.  Not sure what will happen now that paternal grandma decided not to petition the court for custody of him.  Grandma wants bio mom to be with Smiley, she was only petitioning for custody to keep him out of foster care.  I think he'll be here for at least another few weeks.  Bio mom has a few things to get in order before the next court date. 

Merry Christmas!

It's like Christmas in May!  I love having a house FULL of boys!  Sprout, Little Train and Smiley are keeping me busy...but in a good way. I told the case worker that every morning when I wake up I have that 'Christmas morning' anticipation! The boys are getting  along well.  Little Train is supposed to go back to his foster home on Monday and I am definitely going to miss him.  His little personality is really coming out and he is such a happy boy.  He is just starting to walk and loves to explore.  He is trying really hard to keep up with Sprout. Smiley has been here a week today.  We are still figuring each other out.  He is a good eater and sleeps through the night.  Both Smiley and Little Train go to bed around 8pm.  Sprout gets some extra loving for another hour and then he's in bed around 9.  To be honest, I've been in bed at 10pm each night to make sure I get enough sleep to deal with these little men. 

Update on Smiley-  Looks like Smiley will be going to a paternal grandma.  He is 7 months old.  We are just waiting for a home study to be done on her and a background check to be done on her 'friend' who lives with her.  But I have no problem loving on his chubby little self until that time. 

My heart is so happy with all these BOYS in the house!  Looks like I might NEED some more 'keepers'.  :)

Day 2 with Smiley

So, I'll call him Smiley.  He's adjusting great.  There are times that he cries and I feel like he's grieving but then in 2 seconds flat he's smiling again.  I really like the fact that he came to us so close to the weekend and we've had time to bond before a busy week of appointments and possible visits.  Sprout is doing really well with him and Little Train is coming tomorrow to spend the week with us.  Full house..full heart. 

Got a call...

Phone rang today for a 7 mo old baby boy.  I said yes and picked him up 25 minutes later at DSS.  Such a chunky little bald boy!! I was told this is temporary (just a few weeks) but we all know how THAT goes.  Enjoying every minute with this new tiny human in our family.  Little Train is still coming for respite next week and it should be fun with Sprout (3), Little Train (15 mo) and this new baby boy (7 mo).  Let the adventures BEGIN!

P.S.- New baby boy needs a blog name.  Hmmm.  Any suggestions?!?! 

Every minute!

I enjoyed every minute with Little Train.  There were a few red flags because of attachment but he wont be here long enough for me to make a difference.  I will love on him every second I can when I have him here for respite next month. 

Got a call...

Got a call last Thursday.  For daycare.  Something I've never done before.  14 month old boy.  2 full days.  Would I be available?!  Um, it took me 2 seconds to say yes.  He was here all day on Friday and he's here all day today.  He is so sweet. Not walking

 Acclimated very fast.  Today, he reached for me when the worker dropped him off.  Be still my heart.  Sprout was apprehensive at first but they played well together.  We'll also have him for a whole week next month.  Blog name...Little Train. 

Waiting....

I know I say this every time we go a while between placements but...  

I can't decide if we're supposed to be done.   The last 2 calls didn't work out and my dream call, for NB twin boys out of the hospital, didn't work out.  My house is bursting at the seems with baby gear.  Our family is in such a great place right now.  Sprout is such a blast and my older kids are all in school.  I don't have to ask permission to go on trips or get anyone's hair cut.  No court drama.  No case workers stopping by unannounced...   I could go on and on.  

But.  

There's still a desire to be a resource for kids in crisis.  There's still the desire to snuggle a baby who'd otherwise not get the love and attention he/she deserves. There's still this crazy desire to keep going.  So, for now, I'll stay on the roller coaster.  Even though it's not moving right now.  It's pretty obvious our 'stop' hasn't come yet.  

Normal...

It's so nice to have a NORMAL life.  Since Baby Love left us in December we have been busy with NORMAL things. Holidays, school, friends...  

Life without foster care.  

Normal life!!!

Sprout is 3 and doing amazing.  Every day is a special day. He is such a ball of energy.  We LOVE watching his little personality come through.  He is so much fun!!!  I am looking forward for warmer weather and more outdoor fun.  We've had a few tease days here and there and I can't wait for Sprout to experience life outside as a 3 year old!!  So, I assume no news is good news.  I have spoken at length with the home finder and it seems like no kids in our age range are being brought into care.  That's a good thing!  We're here if they need us and they know that.  

Again...

They did it again.  I got a call for an 18 month old boy for respite.  Should only have been for the week.  I scrambled to get everything ready.  She called an hour later to say it was a no go.  They're keeping him closer to the foster home.  I am reaching for the illusive unicorn...a keeper.  My boy needs a brother. 😉

Tease...

Got a call around midnight (a few days ago) for a 2 year old girl.  It was Baby Love's agency worker.  She left a message on my home phone and my oldest ran in to tell me that 'they're calling for a baby!'.  I called her back and she told me what she knew, which wasn't much.  She asked if I'd be willing to take the baby because even though she had a list of foster parents, she knew I didn't have to go to work the next morning.  I said yes.  She called back an hour later to tell me that the baby was placed with a family member. I was a bit relieved, truth be told.  We are adding an extension onto our existing house and everything is in complete chaos.  The crib is in Sprouts room.  It worked out.  BUT...the house is clean(ER) now and I want the phone to ring!!!