I remember when I was in the 8th grade and in Washington D.C. for a class trip, I was obsessed with a girl from my class. She had long, flowing hair and blah, blah, blah, but what I really remember best about her was her perfect ripe ass that I would follow around during walking tours like a dumb greyhound chasing the fake rabbit. You can ask just about any guy, even when he is 79-years-old, and he can tell you the first girl to develop big breasts. I remember her too, for sure, but the girl with the first grown-ass woman ass is what stands out for me.
She ended up going to a different high school than me, so I never really saw her since the 8th grade. Well, I just saw her on Facebook, and let's just say I should have left her as a memory on that class trip. She has had a couple of kids, and I know a lot of women who have families and still look good. It's not her body that is the problem, it's as if her facial features are too big for her face and vying for position, like a young Roger Waters of Pink Floyd, who is now a good looking older guy, somehow. Looking at this woman, I actually said out loud, "This is the chick I wanted to bone at all costs?"
Yikes. That's rough!
He really aged into that face nicely.
Let's see that phrase again in bigger font and centered because it really is funny to see and say out loud, maybe even a good title for an album or skin flick:
Bone at all Costs
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Anyone else have a disappointing encounterr with an old crush that they would like to share in the comments?
And here's the fun part: I'm so stupid that I don't know how to change the color of the font for just this post, so highlight everything and scroll so you can read it against the background. It's like a secret decoding mission! Yeah, I'm just trying to make it sound fun because I don't know what the hell I'm doing . . .
Dr. Kenneth's Profile, Dr. Kenneth's Wall
Dr. Kenneth Noiswater:
Anyone watching NBA live on TNT-internet? This is a great Heat/Celtix game, but switch the camera to "Action Cam" or you will be watching "Mosaic Cam," which I think is how flies watch the NBA.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
I'm writing from my desktop computer because I left my laptop at work, and it's like a damn prison! I'm so used to stretching out in front of the television, carrying the laptop with me into the kitchen, among other place, but there was a time when this is how I wrote - and it was fine that way, and I wrote some good stuff.
Well, here I am trying to write something, and all I can do is think about what's on the television in the next room (Top 50 NFL Players in which I've seen most every player) and what's happening on the biggest culprit of time wasting and stifler of creativity: Facebook. Oh, how I hate you, Facebook. I demand to be funny and heard immediately, having my funniness affirmed within seconds, and you provide that for me, leaving Blogger in the dust, like such the Betamax. But, when I used Blogger more, I was more of a writer. Now what am I? A damn schmo like everyone else, updating people on my stupid life like everyone else, and that's just wrong.
The other things getting in the way of the artistic life is work getting increasingly busier and crappier and working out. By the time all of that is done, I don't feel very motivated to write much more than a flipping Facebook update.
So, I'm making some changes. First off, I can get my workout done in the morning, and then when I'm done with work at 2:45, I can go straight to a coffee shop, do my paperwork for the job, and then write for at least one hour every single day.
The only thing worse than an unmotivated writer is reading an unmotivated writer's ramblings about being unmotivated, so God willing, you will soon be reading something really great. Maybe even important.
"She's not a super-Asian!" That's what some jerk on the team we beat in volleyball said to one of his female teammates tonight. He goes, "Just hit it over! She's not a super-Asian!" Hey, Shauna, way to bring out the a-hole racist in the opposition!
Hey, buddy! It's just an adult night league, so no need to be mean to a woman like that. Some people are just too serious.
Where did he get this notion of a super-Asian, anyway? Is that something on the cutting room floor of Hitler's plans for world domination?
So, I blogged long before Facebook, but now it just feels like I can make a lot more people laugh with instant results on FB in a way that I just can't with Blogger. Still, I know that Blogger is more O.G., and it's a smarter media in most every way.
Well, either way, I already put this on Facebook, but it's too damn funny not to share with you all, my intelligent friends that may not spend their day playing farming games and Family Feud knockoffs. As always, hit pause on the music player on the right before hitting play and hearing this awesomeness.
I never had Bieber Fever until he dabbled in death metal. What a voice on that kid! Sounds like one long sustained belch!
Monday, November 01, 2010
And now I bring you, me making fun of the first few Facebook updates of my "friends" on Facebook who I'm pretty sure will never read this blog. That's really terrible to do to people who are my "friends," but I can't think of anything to write about, so here goes . . .
1. "Ohhhhmygoodness just 2 more weeks of night class, I Can NOT wait! No more missing Gossip Girl & 90210! Lol ;)" 4 minutes ago
I guess some of them I don't need to make fun of; I can just put it out there like that. Geez, this is mean because she's a nice girl; just bad taste in television. Okay, let's try another . . .
2. "Should I have a beer or not????" 6 minutes ago
Well, considering I worked with this woman, and there was more than one occassion where she went to company parties and didn't show the next day, I'd say NO! That's not a bad thing, but sometimes calling out last minute could really screw us at that job, and when we all know it's because of a hangover, that's annoying. To be fair, we all did our job hungover at least a few days a week back then. Suck it up! As for my advice to her if I cared to comment, I'd actually say go ahead and have one, but don't let it turn into 10 and call out tomorrow, screwing over your coworkers. Should I comment that? Nah, I'll just silently bash her on my blog that nobody reads.
3. "when u gotta good thing dont take it for granted...cause there is always someone else that wont take it for granted..u just may loose it..AND I PROMISE U WILL REGRET it...so cherish and love it like there is nothing else like it..EVERYDAY!" About an hour ago
This is a person who posts about nine times a day, and it's either motivational crappola like this, which was actually kind of confusing, or it's random updates about her life, especially her workouts. Do I give a fiddler's fuck if you shredded your abs one day or did shoulders on another? Who in the hell cares, lady!? Surprisingly, she gets around 30 comments per update, so someone actually wastes their own lives reading and responding to that sort of thing. I don't comment myself, but I do take time out of my day to rip on her on my blog like an asshole, even poking fun at her spelling (it's lose not loose). I should be shot for this, but I just have to get through two more to make it a top five . . .
4. i CAN NOT win...i tell ya~geesh! life: y dont u add on more frusteration.. 8 hours ago
Okay, that's the same person as number three. I feel bad making fun of a second one, but come on! You know, it does put a squiggly line under a word when it's spelled wrong, so you can take the extra time to try a few spellings until it goes away. Lord knows you have the time if you're updating 9 times a day. Sorry, but that sort of thing just causes me a world of "frusteration."
5. Puppy training, day #1 went well! 4 minutes ago
I found a lot of updates more stupid than this one, but I was having a hard time finding more people that I wouldn't feel bad talking about. This asshole, I have no problem talking about because all he does is stab people in the back and talk smack. I'd really like to drop him as a friend on Facebook because he's the kind of butthole to use something against you for no reason at all - he does stuff like that all the time. It's a good thing I have been behaving with my updates, keeping them about mundane things like the last one - how hard it is to hit the skip button when Hall and Oats comes on. Actually, that's kind of a lame one. I'd probably make fun of me too.
What do you think, Seven Readers? Was this the meanest most petty post I've ever done, or is this something that should be done for the good of mankind?
. . . I'm listening to Willie Nelson alone at 1 in the morning with a vodka and diet Pepsi, and it feels pretty good. There's something about Willie's guitar and voice, along with his sister Bobby on Piano and Mickey Rafael, or whatever his name is, on harmonica. To me, Mickey is the bomb harmonica guy. Give me him over that high pitched craziness of John Popper any day.
ANYWAY, I feel like I deserve a little celebration because I wrote some decent scenes for the play I'm determined to finish. It's starting to take shape.
Now I have The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust by bowie playing, all vinyl, of course. Drunken listening parties are not at all fun unless you have actual records. I just can't describe why; It's just a more of visceral experience, somehow. In my younger, crazier days, I'd wake up the next day to see records sprawled out all over the room after a night out at the bars and think, "Wow. That's right, I did have myself a listening party last night. I have problems." Then my next thought would be, "Oooh. Good choices on those records! Even in my drunken state. All right, Ken!"
ANYWAY, I was talking with people tonight at a bar that I'm a writer. I'm not what I do to pay my bills. No. I write. When I'm getting on a role, it's a high, and I need to remember that every time I push off committing myself to big projects. It's so easy to say that it's not practical or realistic. No, it's neither of those, but it's something that I need to do whether I'm a success or not. It's who I am, and I feel better when I do it, so fuck it. This thing is going to hit the stage, probably in May, and I'd love it if you were there, Seven Readers. If not, oh well. As long as I'm proud of what I've created, I can literally have seven people out there and feel good about what I've done.
It's been too long since I had me a listening party, and I'm glad I could share it with you, My Beloved Seven Readers. Try it some time, and remember not to be too neat and tidy about it. Let those big ass records spread out across the room, listening to only a track or two off each one. Make it decadent. Make it Gancey.
. . . but I think people on FB are tired of hearing about my loud as hell neighbors with their out of control kids waking me up every morning. So, I'm going to do a FB update for you, my beloved seven blogger readers:
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater had a little payback while working out today by playing Stevie Wonder's "Songs in the Key of Life" in the dynamic of very, very loud."
Have any of you folks who are members of Facebook noticed that you can start a group for anything you want? Try this, search the dumbest thing you can think of . . . Say, you want to form a group for people who like shrimp egg rolls (I just ordered myself Chinese). Let's do a search . . . Okay. Bad example.
How about a group for people who like curly fries . . . Yup. There's like a million of them, one of which has over 700,000 members.
The beauty of these groups is that there is zero commitment. I'm a a fan of clear gummy bears, and to be a fan involves doing absolutely nothing except be wiling to have something on my profile saying I like clear gummy bears.
The reason I'm talking about this really stupid topic is that I just found a group on Facebook called: I Exude Buck-wild-ed-ness!!! There is very little explanation of what it means to exude such a thing, outside of it being a Flavor of Love quote, but it must be good if there are three exclamation points. Total number of members of this group: One. And his name is Cameron "Drama King" Jackson.
I'm not going to join this group, but I could if I wanted to because, again, zero commitment. The point is that anyone can start up a stupid group with no point. Readers, do me a favor and do a search for the most random thing you can think of, and let me know if there is an existing group/fan page. Also, Drama King, if you've searched your unique name and found this post, I'm sorry. Don't hate. Let's save the drama for your mama. That's a horrible expression, and I'm sorry I used it. I bet there's a fan page for that dumb expression . . .
