Only at the Gancer: Another Edition To Song Lyric Analysis

I have done a number of these, either analyzing each and every lyric of a song I like, or in this case, having someone respond to what the singer says - with the singer only responding with actual lyrics.  Does that make sense?  Just read and find out what I'm trying to say here . . .

"We've Got Tonight" by Bob Seger

Bob Seger: I know it's late, I know you're weary 

I know your plans don't include me.

Drunk Girl: I never plan, per say, to have drunk dudes hitting on me.  I just always sorta happens . . .

BS: Still here we are, both of us lonely 

Longing for shelter from all that we see 

DG: Hey, you seem lonely, but don't assume I am.  Actually, I was trying to get back to my friends before you stepped in front of me on my way back from the ladies' room.

BS: Why should we worry, no one will care girl 

Look at the stars so far away 

DG: Oh, now he's going on about the stars.  This is a new one, actually.  And I know for a fact people will certainly care because I see my friends over there laughing at me for entertaining your proposal for this long.  

BS: We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow? 

We've got tonight, babe 
Why don' you stay? 

DG: We can't stay, Bob.  It's past last call and they've turned the lights on, and yeah, you're even less good looking as a result.  

BS: Deep in my soul, I've been so lonely 

All of my hopes, fading away 
I've longed for love, like everyone else does 

I know I'll keep searching, even after today

DG: If I could offer some advice, don't let a girl in on the fact that you're extremely lonely.  The pity approach rarely works.  Exude some confidence, Bob!  Trust me on this.  

BS: So there it is girl, I've said it all now 

And here we are babe, what do you say?

DG: No, I can't.  I seriously have to get up early and . . .

BS: We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow? 

We've got tonight, babe 

Why don't you stay?

BS: Ah, what the hell.  I have done a lot worse, and you make some solid points.  

(meanwhile, back at Bob's shitty apartment)      

BS: We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow? 

Let's make it last, let's find a way 
Turn out the light, come take my hand now 

DG: Yes.  Lights out.  This is for sure a light's out encounter.  Let's just get it done, okay?

fin

Admit It: The Little Drummer Boy Has Always Suh-suh-suh-sucked.

Remember "The Little Drummer Boy?"  I think all seven of my readers would have to agree that it's the most crappy of all Christmas songs.  I was trying to put my finger on why it is so lousy.

It could be the puh-rump-a-pum-pumming.  Nobody needs to hear someone sing onomatopoeia like that.  How about just play that beat on the drum instead?  Or get Biz Markie to beat box it.

"I'm so sad they didn't ask me.  I can still beat box, ya know!"

Then I thought it could be that version when David Bowie stumbled into Bing Crosby's house and they somehow managed to make the most nerdiest version of "Drummer Boy" yet.  Something tells me that if Bing knew that Bowie liked to dress like a woman and sleep with other dudes like Mick Jagger, then he wouldn't have been so accepting.  He seemed to be the old school type that didn't care for gay folks.  And didn't Bing beat the tar out of his own kids?



Then it hit me.  The thing I hate most about that stupid, stupid song is the line where he says "the ox and lamb kept time."  I'll believe that some woman 2,000 years ago got knocked up without doing the nasty and before test tubes.  And maybe that baby was the son of God who could turn water into Smirnoff Ice, or however that one went.  But what I refuse to believe is that a big dumb ox and perhaps an even stupider lamb were capable or cared enough to kick their hooves to the beat of a little broke-ass kid's drum beat who couldn't afford to bring a damn gift when he met the lord of the whole fricking universe.

That's just far fetched.

Another Lyric Analysis: "Mama Said Knock You Out" by L.L. Cool J.

And with the local DBT news, LL Cool J with a triumphant comeback
[mumbling]
but tonight . . .

I looked up the acronym DBT, and the most common ones are Drive By Truckers and Department of Biotechnology, neither one likely to have been covering L.L.'s comeback in their publication.

Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin my peers and puttin suckas in fear
Makin the tears rain down like a MON-soon
Listen to the bass go BOOM
Explosion, overpowerin'
Over the competition, I'm towerin'
Wreckin shop, when I drop these lyrics that'll make you call the cops
Don't you dare stare, you betta move
Don't ever compare
Me to the rest that'll all get sliced and diced
Competition's payin the price

[Chorus:]

I'm gonna knock you out (HUUUH!!!)
Mama said knock you out (HUUUH!!!)
[REPEAT 4X]

Don't u call this a regular jam
I'm gonna rock this land
I'm gonna take this itty bitty world by storm
And I'm just gettin warm
Just like Muhummad Ali they called him Cassius

I never got this. Did they call L.L. Cassius? It seems like he could have named hundreds of other ways he could be compared to Ali that would have made more sense, but since he rhymed it perfectly with "bash this," we'll let it slide.

Watch me bash this beat like a skull
Cuz u know I had beef wit
Why do u riff with me, the maniac psycho
And when I pull out my jammy get ready cuz it might go
BLAAAAW, how ya like me now?
The river will not allow
U to get with, Mr. Smith, dont riff
Listen to my gear shift
I'm blastin, outlastin
Kinda like Shaft, so u could say I'm shaftin
Old English filled my mind
And I came up with a funky rhyme

I just love that Old English triggered his brain to write rap lyrics because all it makes me to is go pee and throw up, maybe pour out liquor for dead homies, like Optimus Prime.

C'mon man

Shadow boxin' when I heard you on the radio (HUUUH!!!)
I just don't know
What made you forget that I was raw?
But now I got a new tour
I'm goin insane, startin' the hurricane, releasin' pain
Lettin' you know that you can't gain, I maintain
Unless ya say my name
Rippin', killin'
Diggin' and drillin' a hole
Pass the Ol' Gold

I always thought this was "past the old goal," like surpassing a goal, but maybe he means he wants someone to pass him the "ol' gold," as in his big assed gold chain. Either way, rippin', diggin', and drillin' a hole sounds really painful and gross, like maybe he wanted to rape Kool Mo Dee's butt, who I heard this song was about.

Shotgun blasts are heard
When I rip and kill, at WILL
The man of the hour, tower of power, I'll devour
I'm gonna tie you up and let you understand

Okay, now I'm sure he wants to rape somebody.

that I'm not your average man
when I got a jammy in my hand
DAAAAAM!!!!! Oooooohh!!
Listen to the way I slaaaaay, your crew
Damage (UHH) damage (UHH) damage (UHH) damage
Destruction, terror, and mayhem
Pass me a sissy so suckas I'll slay him
Farmers (What!!!) Farmers (What!!!)

Why's he getting all these farmers amped up like this, and is he getting them to bomb a town in the name of his personal rap beef? That sounds unfair to these poor farmers who are just trying to earn an honest living off the land. Fight your own battles, L!

I'm ready (we're ready!!!)
I think I'm gonna bomb a town (get down!!)
Don't u neva', eva', pull my lever
Cuz I explode
And my nine is easy to load
I gotta thank God
Cuz he gave me the strength to rock
HARD!! knock you out, mama said knock you out

He seems against people pulling his lever in that last verse, whereas I'm okay with a lever pull every now and again, especially when Old English is filling my mind. Peace, Seven Readers. And farmers . . .

Cheers!

I was driving with my lovely girlfriend, LSD, and the "Cheers" theme came on my iPod. We were both very much caught off guard by the lyric at around 1:20 where he says "and your husband wants to be a girl."

It was a wise move to not use that verse for the show because it could really throw off the viewers, seeing as transvestites and/or transsexuals didn't play a significant role in the story lines of "Cheers;" at least not in any of the episodes I have ever seen.

Also, I think it's funny to sing it like this: "You wanna' go where everyone knows you're gay." That would be a killer sing-a-long at a gay bar, don't you think? "And they're always glad you came" is a lyric that kind of works for that version too . . .

Random Gancey Updates

1. I'm on summer vacation once again, starting today. I spent the whole day at the doctor, but the good news is that it looks like I won't have to bow out of the marathon if I stick to my rehabilitation.

2. Sorry about the huge gap between updates, but I promise to be better about writing now that the summer is here.

3. Have you ever noticed that in the soul classic, "Baby Come Back" by Player, he says "you can blame it all on me?" It seems to me that if he really did believe it was his fault, he would simply say that it was his fault. To say that she could blame it on him, sounds as if he's just allowing her to believe such a thing, but he doesn't believe it to be true. No? Also, I thought these fellas were Black.


4. My buddy's mom is doing better, at home now, but it's still not looking good. Then my other good buddy's mom died out of nowhere.

5. I'm going on a booze cruise this weekend with my four roommates, one of which has a boat. What better way to spend the first weekend of summer vacation, right?

6. Things are still going great with Law School Dropout, but yes, she's going far, far away in the fall for graduate school. : (

7. Did I provide a link yet for the Truckfighters article/interview that I did? Either way, here it is. You need to go see these guys live because they rock the asshole from here to Oslo.


8. I'm reading a tremendous book called "A Visit From the Goon Squad" that my mom sent to me in the mail just because she thought I'd like it - and I do. This lady is suddenly my favorite female author of all time. Thanks, mom!


9. I have a lot of funny stories to tell about the wedding I went to last weekend and there are gnomes and Leggos involved, so stay tuned for that.

10. Another good recommendation for you is the last record/vinyl I bought: Son Seals "Live and Burning." He's a Chicago blues guy who plays and sings just about as well as anyone.


That's all I got for now, Seven Readers. What's new with you?

The Fourth or 5th Lyric Analysis. It's Bullshit That I Can't Come Up With More Topics

This time, it's to the tune of "I'd Really Love To See You Tonight" by England Dan and John Ford Coley. Are those wonderful names or what? I wonder if Dan was really from England? Either way, here's what the gal might have said in response to Dan and/or John Ford with the words by the guy being the actual lyrics to the song, and her responses being Dr. Ken's inspired dumb ass words. I'm just going with England Dan for the purpose of this, but maybe the two of them were trying to convince her to participate in some sort of a group thing. Who knows? In any event, here goes.

England Dan: Hello

Her: Oh. Hey. Christ, I never thought I would hear from you again. I actually kind of hoped I wouldn't because . . .

ED: Yeah, it's been a while

Her: Oh, Lord help me. So, what the hell do you, I mean, what have you been up to?

ED: Not much, how about you?

Her: Well, I've been . . . Why do you care? What in the hell do you want, anyway?

ED: I'm not sure why I called

Her: Well, I don't really have time for this, so . . .

ED:
I guess I really just wanted to talk to you
And I was thinkin' maybe later on
We could get together for a while

Her: Listen, England I'm not sure if that's such a good . . .

ED:
It's been such a long time
And I really do miss your smile

Her: No. I absolutely don't want to see you. At all.

ED:
I'm not talking about movin' in
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around
And I'd really love to see you tonight

Her: Whoah! Whoah! Of course you're not moving in. I don't even know why . . . Listen, I gotta go.

ED:
We could go walkin' through a windy park
Take a drive along the beach
Or stay at home and watch TV
You see it really doesn't matter much to me

Her: No. None of those things are an option. Not with you.

ED:
I'm not talking about movin' in
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around
And I'd really love to see you tonight

Her: Really? The same lines? Listen, how is it that you're going to change my life? You're changing my mood perhaps because I"m really pissed off and annoyed, but you really didn't make that much of an impact the first time you were in my life, so . . .

ED:
I won't ask for promises
So you don't have to lie
We've both played that game before
Say I love you then say goodbye

Her: I never said I loved you. Are you shitting me?

ED:
I'm not talking about movin' in
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around
And I'd really love to see you tonight

Her: Yeah, there you go again about the warm winds. Listen, I'm hanging up.

Ed:
I'm not talking about movin' in
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around
And I'd really love to see you tonight

Her: Yeah. Great. Goodbye, British Dan.

(Click)

Maggie Talks Back

It's time, once again, for another song analysis, this time with Rod Stewart's older girlfriend from his youth, Maggie May, saying back to him what Dr. Ken thinks she might have said.

Rod the Bod:
Wake up Maggie I think I got something to say to you
It's late September and I really should be back at school
I know I keep you amused but I feel I'm being used
Oh Maggie I couldn't have tried any more
You lured me away from home just to save you from being alone
You stole my heart and that's what really hurt

Maggie May:
Listen, kid, don't blame me because you chose to come over and lay around and have sex with me all day instead of going to class. I can live like this because my ex husband has to cut me 7k every month, but your narrow ass should be in the classroom every now and then. It's not like you couldn't go to class during the day and then come over and bone. Don't blame me for being a dead beat student, dude; that's your thing.

Rod the Bod:
The morning sun when it's in your face really shows your age
But that don't worry me none in my eyes you're everything
I laughed at all of your jokes my love you didn't need to coax
Oh, Maggie I couldn't have tried any more
You lured me away from home, just to save you from being alone
You stole my soul and that's a pain I can do without

Maggie May:
Hey, I know I was a little hard on you there, but did you really have to tell me how old I look in the light? Jeez! And I stole your soul?? That's being a little dramatic, don't you think? I may be a sex fiend old cougar, but it's not like I'm Pinhead from Hellraiser sucking souls out of teenagers.

Rod the Bod:
All I needed was a friend to lend a guiding hand
But you turned into a lover and
mother what a lover, you wore me out
All you did was wreck my bed
and in the morning kick me in the head
Oh Maggie I couldn't have tried anymore
You lured me away from home 'cause you didn't want to be alone
You stole my heart I couldn't leave you if I tried

Maggie May:
You're wearing me out too, kid. We've been bumping fuzzies around the clock for four months here. And wait, I thought you were dumping me, and now you're saying you can't leave me? This is annoying; let's just screw again.

Rod the Bod:
I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school
Or steal my daddy's cue and make a living out of playing pool
Or find myself a rock and roll band that needs a helpin' hand
Oh Maggie I wish I'd never seen your face
You made a first-class fool out of me
But I'm as blind as a fool can be
You stole my heart but I love you anyway

Maggie May:
I'd go with the books and school thing. The professional pool player or pool hustler thing seems kind of impulsive and poorly conceived. Now the rock star thing I can see! You have great hair, a good look, and a sexiness to you. I like your body, and I think you're sexy. That's almost a song right there . . .

Rod the Bod:
Maggie I wish I'd never seen your face
I'll get on back home one of these days

Maggie May:
Sure, kid. Look me up next time you're back in town. Just try not to be so dramatic, and don't talk about my face looking old because that's just not how you sweet talk a lady.

It's time, once again . . .

. . . for another song analysis, this time to the tune of "Mannish Boy" by Muddy Waters (1955):

Ooooooh, yeah, ooh, yeah

Everythin', everythin', everythin's gonna be alright this mornin'
Ooh yeah, whoaw
Now when I was a young boy, at the age of five
My mother said I was, gonna be the greatest man alive

Now, that's really high hopes for a mother, right? What had he done at age five that was so great? I feel that's setting a kid up with some pretty big expectations, but Muddy did pretty much bring electric guitar to the masses, so . . .

But now I'm a man, way past 21
Want you to believe me baby,
I had lot's of fun
I'm a man
I spell mmm, aaa child, nnn
That represents man
No B, O child, Y
That mean mannish boy
I'm a man
I'm a full grown man
I'm a man
I'm a natural born lovers man
I'm a man
I'm a rollin' stone
I'm a man
I'm a hoochie coochie man


He really was the Hoochie Coochie man. It's a wonder Muddy and Charo never hooked up.


Sittin' on the outside, just me and my mate
You know I'm made to move you honey,
come up two hours late
Wasn't that a man
I spell mmm, aaa child, nnn
That represents man
No B, O child, Y
That mean mannish boy
I'm a man
I'm a full grown man
Man
I'm a natural born lovers man
Man
I'm a rollin' stone
Man-child
I'm a hoochie coochie man
The line I shoot will never miss
When I make love to a woman,
she can't resist
I think I go down,
to old Kansas Stew

I looked up Kansas Stew, and I have no idea what in the hell it means. Little help?

I'm gonna bring back my second cousin,
that little Johnny Concheroo


This is the lyric that got me wanting to do another analysis. It turns out Johnny Concheroo is a slang term for the root of a plant that is used in voodoo, enhancing sexual prowess, and as a laxative. Based on the contextual clues, I think old Muddy is using it to get some led in his pencil.

All you little girls,
sittin'out at that line
I can make love to you woman,
in five minutes time
Ain't that a man


Well, some would say that five minutes isn't too good. Sting is supposed to be able to go for hours, tantra-style, but maybe Muddy means that he's slayin' 'um one after the other as they're waiting in line ("sittin' out at that line"). In that case, five minutes at a crack is totally understandable.



I spell mmm, aaa child, nnn
That represents man
No B, O child, Y
That mean mannish boy
Man
I'm a full grown man
Man
I'm a natural born lovers man
Man
I'm a rollin' stone
I'm a man-child
I'm a hoochie coochie man
well, well, well, well
hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry
Don't hurt me, don't hurt me child
don't hurt me, don't hurt, don't hurt me child
well, well, well, well

Yeah


You get the idea. Hey, remember this song in Risky Business when a young Tom Cruise is walking the streets gathering up Johns to come to his parents' house where he was runnin' ho's out of there while his folks were out of town? Classic shit right there. Muddy would have been proud to have been associated with that scene. I think . . .

Young Girl

A good friend of mine you may know as the occaisional commenter T-Nobes recently made me a mix tape of mostly indie rock songs, but then "Young Girl" by Gary Pucket and The Union Gap came out of nowhere. The thing is, that song, while it kicks ass in its own way, is really kind of disturbing, in that it's about shagging a young girl. How young is the one in this song, you may ask? 14, evidently.

T-Nobes and I got in a conversation about this over email, and he found this bit of information about the song from the guy who wrote the song:

"As far as what inspired "Young Girl", that's another story" says Jerry."I was on the road a lot as an artist, fronting various groups for many years. I guess every entertainer goes through a time when fourteen-year-olds look like twenty-year-olds. That's somewhat of an inspiration...not from my own experience, but just knowing that it happens".

I just don't buy that part where he says "not from my experience." Yeah, right! Why would he take the time to write a song about someone tortured about the decision of whether or not to pork a young girl if he didn't go through it himself. I'm just not buying it. If you look at the lyrics of Jailbait by Motorhead (get a look here), Lemmy writes the song from the perspective of a guy who doesn't give a damn how young she is. I guess when you look like Lemmy, you just take anything that comes your way. "Young Girl" is all about a guy who is laboring over whether or not to bang a 14-year-old, and I'd like to, if I may, break this song down line-by-line like only Dr. Ken can to figure out once and for all if Gary Pucket stuck it.

Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl,
You're much too young, girl

The fact that he cautions her by saying, "better run, girl" says to me that this guy is likening himself to a Statutory Rape Wolf Man who will reach a point where he won't be able to stop himself. Scary shit right there.
With all the charms of a woman
You've kept the secret of your youth
You led me to believe
You're old enough
To give me Love

I suppose what he means by this is old enough to lay, but you couldn't say that back when this song came out. I really don't think he means old enough to give love, because someone can give love at any age, right? You love people when you're four-years-old, right?

And now it hurts to know the truth, Oh,
Beneath your perfume and make-up
You're just a baby in disguise
And though you know
That it is wrong to be
Alone with me

Again, this is the Pervert Werewolf persona where he's saying that it's highly dangerous that she be alone with a man with so many deep, deep pervert urges.
That come on look is in your eyes, Oh,
So hurry home to your mama
I'm sure she wonders where you are
Get out of here
Before I have the time
To change my mind
'Cause I'm afraid we'll go too far, Oh,
Young girl

I like that line right there. It might be my favorite. He decides in the end to tell her to leave because he is still not entirely sure about turning this one down. What's sad is, the next time the band is in her town, you just know he's going through this whole thing again . . .

Big Fat Hen?

A remake of Nightmare on Elm Street is coming out, and I remember how I got freaked out when the little kids would sing . . .

One, two, Freddy's coming for you
Three, four, better lock your door
Five, six, grab your crucifix
Seven, eight, gonna stay up late
Nine, ten, never sleep again.

This, of course, is based on the famous nursery rhyme:

One, two, buckle my shoe
Three, four, knock at the door
Five, six, pick up sticks
Seven, eight, lay them straight
Nine, ten, a big fat hen

I looked up this song, found that it dates back to the early 1800's, but there is no known explanation of the lyrics. It seems to me that it's a series of requests for someone to do stuff, and then they throw in that last line about the hen out of nowhere. Let's pretend for a moment Dr. Ken was there in the 1800's . . .

English Bloke: One two buckle my shoe.
Ken: Sure. I guess.
EB: Three, four, knock at the door
Ken: Okay, I'm on it, but you don't have to count like that. I'll hook you up.
EB: Five, six, pick up sticks
Ken: Wait, I haven't even got to the door yet. Do you want me to get the sticks before I knock or after? Am I giving this person sticks or can that wait?
EB: Nine, ten, a big fat hen
Ken: Do you want me to find a big fat hen and give it to whoever is in that house, or are you calling me a big fat hen? Either way, you got some big British balls saying some shit like that after I've done all this random crap for you. If I do find a hen at this hour, I'll gladly give it to the guy in the house, but not before I stuff it up your ass like a turducken!