get out of our lives Donny John

Disclaimer: Now I'm a disclaimer, not a trace of truth in my mind. Perhaps my twisted words have more truth.

I know you're hopin' to find
Someone who's gonna give you piece of mind
When times go bad
When times go rough
Won't you lay me down in tall grass
And let me do my stuff

I'm just second hand news
I'm just second hand news

Second hand news is better than fake news. Get ready, I’m going to bounce from Fleetwood Mac to Carly Simon to Simon and Garfunkel. I found a great parody of a classic song used to satirize Donny John (oh I decided to start using “Donny John” for our can-you-believe-it president - Thank you Tina Fey). 

don't know if I want to try this beer

Before I get to this brilliant piece of satirical work I would like remind you (and myself) that back in the fall of 2015 I based a parody on “You’re So Vain”. Back then I just thought Donny John’s campaign was a PR stunt. Here’s a link to that old post.

Now that (can you believe it?) he hangs out at the White House when he isn’t at one of his resorts I’ve updated a few lines my parody.

You walked into the party
Like you were walking onto a yacht
Your HAIR strategically dipped below one eye
Your scowl was taut
You had one eye in the mirror
As you watched yourself cavort
And ALT RIGHT dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and

You're so vain
You probably think this NATION is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this NATION is about you
Don't you? Don't you? 

starting the world glowing

But my parodies don’t fly too well without a band and singer. This parody I found on Fakebook has it all - great words, and good singing voices. Check it out:

good luck Donald

I started to write my reaction to this election but then reminded myself that I don’t really cover politics much here on my blog. I wondered what to write and decided just to not bother. You might have read my past rants about all the election garbage spread around fakebook. I rationalized to myself that those fakebook rants would apply to both sides of our political divide. I’m not trying to hide that I like President Obama and thought Hillary Clinton would have made a better president than Donald. This blog is a fun thing for me and I’m not out to sway anyone’s political views. Nor do I want to argue about that on this blog.

Election night renewed my dislike of polling and the electoral college. I’m hoping that Donald does NOT keep his campaign promises. We don’t need his crappy ideas.

I wish him good luck in running our big government.

Other recent events:

a table set for the missing veterans

Veteran's Day

I had my free Veteran's Day lunch with one of our daughters at a Texas Roadhouse. Very nice. The local veterans group set up a table for the MIA/POW's. It was a good reminder that too many veterans never returned and are still unaccounted for.



Supermoon - when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.

Did you take a glance at the supermoon over the weekend? It did seem brighter. It’s hard to measure any difference with your eyes when there is just dark sky around it. Also if your eye has something in it like a big pizza pie. I would rather eat pizza than remove it from my eye. Of course as happens to many, my eyes are often bigger than my stomach.





Plenty of food references in this song. You’ll sing Vita Bella - since this election I just can’t sing life is beautiful yet. That election pizza has given me a long spell of heartburn.

A great songwriter Leonard Cohen passed on:

SNL and Kate McKinnon nailed it with their Leonard Cohen tribute combined with a remark about the election. Just in case you are not an SNL fan, Kate McKinnon has played Hillary Clinton during the campaign.

donald goldfinger

This post might just ruin a great classic James Bond film.

Before I jump into comparing and conjecturing about a celebrity candidate, I want to be clear about my intention here. This is not a persuasive post. (once I wrote a persuasive type post about Sheryl Crow) I’m not recommending anything for anyone. I love puns but I’m no pundit. I have my opinions and you have yours. Now this post could certainly be considered political. I rather think of it as political satire.

diversity in your crayon box is desirable

Back in my crazy thrilling teen years (many thrills but mostly spills) my favorite movies were James Bond flicks. A cool and smart spy who would say witty lines and drive a fast well defended car. You could quickly get gadget envy learning how 007 was equipped.

During a bit of youtube watching I came across a clip from “Goldfinger” where 007 is about to be sliced in two by a hot laser. (here’s a link if interested)

Then I noticed something, possibly something that has gone unnoticed until now (good for Lisleman’s Broken News feed) - Donald Trump is a the doppelganger of Goldfinger. I would say evil twin but I’m sure which one is evil. Now a comparison of a politician to a fictional character is not new. Remember the “Dark Vader” vice president we had in the early 2000’s?

unique hair styles attract

While not a perfect matching set, Goldfinger and Donald have a similar look and here are a few other similarities:

• They both were successful business tycoons running global companies.
• They were both low rate actors.
• They both enjoyed golf.
• They probably both have the same balding pattern but you can’t tell with Donald due to his weird hair style.
• Both had private jets. (bonus points for the name of Goldfinger’s pilot)

The trait that really matched them up in my mind - obsession with gold! In the following clip you'll learn that Donald's jet has gold plated seat belts.





Goldfinger had a heart of gold and a kiss of death. Donald has plenty of gold things.

my favorite mistake

Will this be yet another mistake? I don’t want this blog to get political. So I’ve been reluctant to share this idea of mine here. But on the other hand (that hand that doesn’t do much anyway) why not. The readership is down (close to being sunk). So I’m going to expand on the idea of making a mistake. However, I will not get drawn into a debate about the current political candidates.

“The perfect ending to the bad day”. That confusing phrase from Sheryl Crow’s “My Favorite Mistake” song can make sense if you let ‘perfect’ and ‘bad’ join together to describe a real terrible day. Phrases like this is why I enjoy listening to the lyrics.

Our never ending election cycles have given us a few perfect mistakes to consider.

 

Here’s my perfect idea for a bad post.

Do a parody of the song “You’re So Vain” using Donald Trump and his campaign. I always thought the Donald was very vain. I believe even his hair is vain. The Donald could become the perfect political mistake.

Now if you please, add your suggested lyric ideas in the comments. Of course, if you don’t find this at all funny then have a great perfect day and come back for the next post which will not be political at all. Actually, given that it’s Donald Trump I don’t consider this post very political since I have a difficult time equating him to a serious political leader.

Here’s my hope for a campaign hit: (if you can sing along and carry a tune please do a recording and post it on youtube, please just mention this post )

You walked into the party
Like you were walking onto a yacht
Your HAIR strategically dipped below one eye
Your scowl was taut
You had one eye in the mirror
As you watched yourself cavort
And all LAWYERS dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and

You're so vain
You probably think this RACE is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this RACE is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

Reality show several years ago
when you fleeced the naive
Well, you said you have such pretty hair
And your shouted words make me heave
Do you care who makes the things you love
And can you handle a hot Mexican tamale
They had some dreams, stopped by walls on the border
walls on the border and

You're so rich
You probably think this RACE is about you
You're so rich
I'll bet you think this RACE is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

They had some dreams, stopped by walls on the border
walls on the border and

You're so vain
You probably think this RACE is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this RACE is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

Well, I hear you went up to Saratoga
And your HAIR naturally won
Then you spew words like you’re a nova
you curse everyone under the sun

Well, you're where you golf all the time
And when you're not, you're planning
Some lawsuits, Oh your third wife is no friend
Wife is no friend, and

You're so vain
You probably think this RACE is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this RACE is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

polar vortex - good to have a name

Certainly an inside day today. I'm thankful I was able to stay inside all day. Mother nature was not very motherly today. I think our high was -4 or -5 degrees Fahrenheit. But hey at least we have a new weather related name to use now, polar vortex.

Vortex is a scary sci-fi sounded word don't you think? Actually this extreme weather condition is a disturbed polar vortex. It could have be worst. What if it was a bi-polar vortex? Or maybe a vortex that went off its meds.

Here's an informative graph on polar vortexes.

A quick search on winter Gods turned up a Norse Goddess named Skadi (Skaði). Other than Valhalla which I learned about from Led Zeppelin, I don't know anything about Norse mythology (check out the "Immigrant Song" for my Valhalla reference). This Skadi chick Goddess was into skiing and bow hunting.  I found this modern depiction of her by BleedingHeartworks on deviantart.

found at this link

She looks cold and dangerous.  I would advise her to cover up in layers if a polar vortex was headed her way.  What do you think? 

celebrity dominated media

I am Kardashian challenged. I know one name, Kim, but don’t even know the number of others in her clan. However, only a few searches would reveal more trivia trash about them than is needed to fill all the trivial pursuit cards in the world. (great board game - anyone play it these days?)

I don’t want to know anything more about them. Could the world just collectively ignore them? Ban them from cable channels and grocery aisle tabloids.

My limited Kardashian knowledge consists of knowing they have enough money to wear the best push-up bras money can buy and enough time to keep their tan.

from Shpe magazine?

Breaking news from O’Hare airport: 
18 Human Heads Found At O'Hare Airport

My first thought was, probably enough heads to cover the whole Kardashian clan along with a lawyer or two. After reading the news report, I found no mention of the Kardashians. Imagine a news report withOUT Kardashian in it. There still is hope.

Doctor, 

my eyes have seen Kardashians 
And the slow parade of drivel 
without crying 
Now I want to understand

I have done all that I could 
To see the evil and the good 
without hiding 
You must help me if you can

Doctor, my eyes 
Tell me what is wrong 
Was I unwise
to buy cable for so long

Really, there is a abundant source of interesting fun stories in our world. We don’t need stories of “famous because they are famous” people. Media start covering good stories like Charlie the Monarch who resembles a baby lion.

(oh still here?  -  good -  the Believe Or Not I Posted This  linky game is still open for 3 days)

big bird might be the answer

(Warning: The post you are about to read contains Lisleman’s fact and speculation. It only takes a quick spin on my office chair start my inner ear spinning. The truth is out there, I just don’t know where.)

If you interpret this post as political then I failed to communicate my message. This is not to persuade you to a particular candidate. I don’t like extremes and believe compromise is the best path to solutions. The moderate view does not play well in the media so we don’t get to hear much of it. I wish we heard more about solutions that came from the different sides working together.

You may have heard or even participated in the big trending topic coming out of the first presidential debate - Sesame Street’s Big Bird

Myself I always liked Oscar the Grouch better than Big Bird. The charismatic one is Elmo.

Of the many issues mentioned in the debate are you surprised that Big Bird and PBS funding seemed to get the most attention? At first I was a little surprised but after I thought about it maybe it makes sense that the public focused on this big yellow bird.

Most everyone recognizes Big Bird. He looks funny. He’s a big simple target. People don’t seem to care for complex details. If people bothered to look into this they would find the federal funding is minor part of PBS operations and about one one-hundredth of one percent of the federal budget. Maybe it’s meant as a simple mostly symbolic target.

Honestly while I’ve supported PBS with donations and enjoy much of its programming maybe it could survive without government funding. This issue is not a deciding factor for me and probably not for many others.

I don’t know if government funding was a factor but maybe the Elmo and Katy Perry song might not have been dropped if PBS were more independent. Just crazy speculation on my part but the video really shows Elmo’s charisma. 




The bottom line is please vote and remember more local offices affect you more than the higher ones. This has been brought to you by the letter ‘V’ for vote. 


another circus 

no caution needed

I’m not hot but I appreciate being handled with care.

McDonald's morning coffee prompted a question

(after making a few assumptions first) 

At what age do you go from being hot and sexy to being cool and sweet? 

In other words when does your description more likely include “sweet old man” or “such a sweet lady” than those more sultry words?

Sexy is mostly in our heads. A definite age for this transition doesn’t exist. George Clooney (turned 50 last year) might still rate a sexy in his description. What about Robert De Niro? Bob’s age is approaching 69 and he doesn’t look bad in this 2011 picture.

from wikipedia

So this is all very subjective but I bet we can all agree the following picture is NOT sexy (maybe sick?).

thanks AARP for the big 5-oh news

The first page I check in the AARP magazine is the 5-oh page. Guess who’s odometer is turning over to 50?

I always confuse her with Melanie Griffith (4 yrs older). 

Yes, Meg Ryan of “When Harry met Sally” will celebrate 50 in November. A little bit of searching the web confirmed that I am not the only one who confuses these two actresses. 

I would not make a good celebrity. The prying eyes of the public and media would push me deep into seclusion. Also the worry of nut-cases such as the killer of John Lennon for example would be a burden. 

That's not to say I would not enjoy meeting Meg Ryan. It would be fun to have lunch with her like Billy Crystal did.

Of course if you would like to spread some good PR for “A Few Clowns Short”, please do. I’m not worried about getting booked on any talk shows anytime soon.

Shopping Games 2010

I don’t want to play or even watch these games. I’m talking about the world of competitive, aggressive shopping formerly known as the holiday season. Watch out, the start of the shopping season has opened. Warning signs should be posted at the malls.

These games can be expensive and stressful. Why do so many play them?

Just as hunters track down deer and elk, determined shoppers hunt down bargains on prized items. And just like the game hunters, you don’t want to get too close because you might get hurt.

Just look at some of the events:

• Doorbusters
• Midnight madness
• Black Friday
• Shop til you drop

These shopping contestants are proud of themselves for no reason whatsoever.

(Photo by Joshua Trujillo / PI)

Do they earn extra points on their credit scores?

Well now that I gave my PSA/warning announcement on the shopping season, let’s discuss something that should be very simple.

Shampoo

You know the stuff made by combining a surfactant, most often sodium lauryl sulfate and/or sodium laureth sulfate with a co-surfactant, most often cocamidopropyl betaine in water to form a thick, viscous liquid. Other essential ingredients include salt (sodium chloride), which is used to adjust the viscosity, a preservative and fragrance.

The very good wikipedia page on this stuff will tell you that daily shampoo use was not prevalent until the 1970’s.

I needed some for the dead tissues hanging off my head. Did you know your hair is dead tissue? So you don’t need to give it vitamins. There’s a great scene in the movie “Proof” on this topic.

So I travel over to that French sounding place, Target, and find the shampoo aisle.

This Target recently added the grocery store part to the store so that might explain why I felt like I was at a fruit stand as I tried to make a simple shampoo selection.

I’ve enjoyed eating pomegranates but I never had to desire to smear them in my hair. Of course, there was strawberry and I have even tried that one before. But deciding between, coconut, green apple, rosemary mint, almond, black raspberry, white tea, tangerine, and wild cherry, made me really hungry. Do the shampoo companies get kickbacks from fruit growers?

Clarifying - hmm this is a FAIL because it’s not clear to me what it means or what it is clarifying. It's not clarifying me.  Why the confusing descriptions?

Oh wondering what I selected to soak-up my hair? Green apple - want to smell?

It has the “crisp scent of orchard-grown apples”. I don’t know how they do it because I would think it would smell like old rotting fruit which given that your hair is dead might be a good choice.

What’s your opinion? Just don’t ask me about wasted money on conditioners.

games people play

Oh the games people play now

Every night and every day now

Never meaning what they say now

Never saying what they mean

--- Joe South

Does everyone today need to think and talk like a politician ?

Gimme some truth!

i'm sick and tired of hearing things

from uptight-short sighted-

narrow minded hypocritics

all i want is the truth

just give me some truth

--- John Lennon

The truth is I would like to start a game with you.  I know many friends and family play games up on facebook and then there's the whole video game industry.  I'm convinced there are some readers willing to play.

My idea is much simpler and just involves the blog, little thinking and comments.  Interested?  see me down in the comments.