nitty

My guardian angel is still hanging with me and we keep on keeping on. Honestly, I’m very doubtful about this guardian angel thing. But if I have one, no need to piss him or her off.

Eleven years ago the rapture was a viral internet thing.

 

 

Rapture marketing

 

Rapture by robot

 

This rapture idea seems very weird in today's world. I posted about the lack of anything extraterrestrial happening back in 2011. Here’s the poem I wrote about the rapture that didn’t happen. 

 

failed rapture poem by lisleman (May 2011):

Fear was their tool for capture
Of many minds regarding the rapture.
Unlike the time the story was first told
Our media connected world was quickly sold.
I consider myself an optimist
This end date doesn’t show on my list.
But on this day, I here confessed
About the rapture I became obsessed.
So another day I will grow
To watch time’s steady flow.
With much doubt ringing in my ear
Just leave me alone to finish my beer.

Maybe the problem is the devil is in the details. 

 

Often in life you need to get right down to the real nitty gritty. This clip is worth watching to hear Peter Lawford say “interpretation of the nitty gritty”.

 

 

 

i put a fragment on you

“I Put A Spell On You” song is a favorite. It’s been covered by many since Screamin’ Jay Hawkins first recorded in 1956.

Well kids it’s Friday Fragment time once again here at the Institute For Better Posting. I and a gaggle of other bloggers will be putting out fragments for your enjoyment. Now please don’t rush over to Mrs. 4444’s blog for the fragment feast until you have looked over my fragments because I want to put a fragment on you. They are candy for your mind.

Frustrationbook is what facebook becomes too often. A recent status update (such a dumb term) I wrote on my FB page:

Facebook

Nothing more than facebook

Trying to forget my

Facebook of status updates

(sung to the tune of the 70’s hit “Feelings”)

Do you think I could rock those dreadlocks? I was searching around for voodoo and found this hairpiece at a costume store.  If I wore that I could really put a fragment on you.

Be careful browsing around the web of this internet because it so easy to go off on a tangent and lose time and that original thought that started your journey. Just this morning I went from reading an opinion about the buggy whip analogy to discovering that hoodoo and voodoo are actually different. Who know?

I thought I should start a regular feature here (I'm so irregular at times but that's TMI) -- Lisleman’s lines from his shower. Here's my first one: 

I’m getting older losing my grip, so I’ve added an ‘e’ and now gripe.

My train of thought has left the station, oh well. Here's a parody of "Feelings" I found very funny. Go ahead put a comment on me.

is poison part of martial arts

I didn’t think poison went with Elvis either. The Elvis impersonator who was first suspected of the recent ricin poisoned letters was released. His nemesis, a martial arts instructor, has now been arrested.

What we have here is the failure of a few clowns short of a circus. All fun and games until someone dies from poisoning. The actual poisoning threat through the postal system is serious and hopefully will be prosecuted correctly.

It’s the background story of these suspects and the other stories of Tupelo MS. that are worth considering. Tupelo known worldwide as the birthplace of Elvis. After reading more on this case, you start to wonder if it’s the birthplace of many nutcases. Not saying that Elvis was nutty but he was slightly eccentric.

The poisoned letter case brought in the feds (FBI and Secret Service) and that was probably good because the Tupelo police have been busy investigating the drive-by shooting of Carol, the circus elephant, earlier this month. The reward money for the conviction of Carol’s shooter is now over $30,000. (note since elephants are an endangered species this crime could also involve the feds)

The two cases are probably not related other than being in Tupelo.

The Elvis impersonator and martial arts instructor have been feuding for years. Apparently it goes back to the impersonator’s conspiracy book about body part harvesting at the local hospital (hmm do they harvest brains in Tupelo?). The martial arts guy also had a newsletter and it seems a deal to promote the book fell through.

It’s strange stuff. Here’s a few good articles for more background:
Circus elephant shooting
ricin case (usatoday)
ricin case (latimes)

Twilight vampire research - Lisleman’s Lab

- Fresh from Lisleman’s research lab - 

What you didn’t know I ran a research lab? Well it’s just beginning. I still need to clear a pile of beanie babies to create a little space. No problem, this research will benefit from the latest cloud computing trends. The lab features a large jar of coins to support the predictive modeling (coin tossing).

Oh yeah that research finding - 

Chick flicks and the books on which they are based, ruined the vampire myth. Traditional vampires are scary blood sucking old creepy monsters. Today’s redefined vampires are romantic pale abs-boasting young men full of teen angst. They are trouble. Bella instead of a Bela Lugosi. Did the author intend that connection?

Vampire book, movie, and TV show popularity has combined with social networking and dating sites. The potential for future generations embarrassment stress grows with each vampire product. This embarrassment stress will likely be more severe than generation X kids had when they discovered old pictures of their parents in disco style clothing. 

Here’s a link to a slideshow of the odd/weird dating sites popping up in the internet cloud. (the slideshow is safe but some of the sites mentioned are extreme weird - be careful)

One example site called vampire passions (since when did sucking blood become a passion? a weird abnormal perversion not a passion) even offers matching your favorite blood types. (full disclosure I have a negative type).

Unions formed by hooking up through vampire dating sites will most likely produce a confused next generation. Vampires (the old type anyway) have extended lifespans and will drain the social security funds faster than blood sucked from a twilight teen’s neck. The aging vampires combined with a lower income earning confused generation lacking motivation will turn the country into a zombie land. (if I get some funding the zombie trend is scheduled to be studied next) 

Hungarian accented Bela Lugosi will be pulling the stake out of his heart over this disastrous fad. 

NOTE: No blood was sucked during this research. Please let me know if you or your cult would be interested in funding a research study.

mostly Halloween

I've been using some Halloween type pictures in my recent posts.  I like Halloween and even liked it more as a kid.  I also consider the vampires I grew up with much scarier and cooler than the twilight vampires of today.

You can easily find many Halloween pictures on the web.  There is a blog that appears to be dedicated to Halloween called 365 Days of Hallowe'en.  Now that would be a too much for me.  However, I want to share this very creative Halloween decoration I found on their blog.

Halloween = Vegetable Fun

(don't forget the Herbs)

Terry Border of "Bent Objects" has fun making funny strange photos all year round but he gets more than most from holidays.  This is from a recent post of his:

I snapped these last two.  Apes go well with most Holidays, but on Halloween who cares if you are an ape?

I've got a moose looking over my shoulder at me.  Nothing really related to Halloween but a moose at a tavern just adds to atmosphere.

Visit Unknown Mami for more pictures on a Sunday. Click the button below to get there.

sex on six legs

I thought about using the title “wango tango” but then why not use the title of the book. Yes I’m about halfway through sex on six legs (the book - what you are thinking?) 

Regular readers know I don’t review books here often but I have a few times. I posted about Eat Pray Love once and I never read the book or saw the movie.

The “sex on six legs” book by Marlene Zuk is not about ménage à trois.  It is about insects.  However, reading it I learned female beetles, flies, and many other types mate with multiple partners.

The insect world is a strange place and this book takes you on weird and wonderful journey that leaves you with some scientific knowledge of genetics and animal behavior.

Here’s a sample from the “Sperm and Eggs on Six Legs” chapter.

“Other insects, such as hangingflies and scorpionflies, go out and catch prey items to present to females, who then consume the item while their hind ends are occupied with mating.”

“...a rather modest-looking species called the short-bodied cellar spider, females “sing” during mating … making a sound the authors describe as “resembling squeaking leather.”

Wow - eating during sex, gift giving males trying to get lucky, spider porn, I didn’t realize biology was so exciting.  Now if more students realized science can involve sex maybe we could get more interested students signing up.

you probably think this post is about you

Mr. Sexting Congressman, you’re so vain.

This post is not about you. It more about our culture.

Why does our culture elect people like you to Congress?

Why do powerful people who manage to reach well past their 30th birthdays act like testosterone charged teens?

Maybe it’s hotness delusion syndrome. An author recently coined this term. He blames it on the limited number of single men in their 40’s.

I believe this delusional dumb thinking has been around for a long time. Guys are easily distracted to many things that appear sexy. The smart guys learn to control this distraction. Today’s high speed social connected world just offers these vain uncontrollable idiots easier ways to fail.

Maybe these types should just not be allowed internet access.

Carly Simon (boys and girls there are plenty of good lessons in lyrics) knew all about this back in 1973, “You’re So Vain”.

This picture might look sorta vain but the picture was a joke. I don’t even wear sunglasses much and those shades didn’t belong to me. I just borrowed them for the picture.

Carly Simon also sang “I Only Have Eyes For You”. I got news for the idiot sexting guys out there - those eyes and most every woman's eyes are not looking for your junk.  Drop your delusion not your pants.

another circus 

major rapture fail

Judgment Bus by Editor B at the blog http://b.rox.com/

This non-rapture May 21, 2011 maybe one of the biggest jokes of the year.

I thought just in case I’ll write a poem. Poetry, I imagine is big in heaven. I can’t sing. A few comments I’ve heard have me wondering if heaven might a boring eternity. I really pray that there are stand-up comedian acts with unlimited tickets available. Oh and beer too.

Here’s my rapture poem by lisleman:

With fear they were able capture

The minds of many regarding the rapture.

Unlike the time the story was first told

Our connected fast world was quickly sold.

I consider myself an optimist

This end date doesn’t show on my list.

But on this day, I here confessed

About the rapture I became obsessed.

So another day I will grow

To watch time’s steady flow.

With much doubt ringing in my ear

Just leave me alone to finish my beer.

sad funny and a little weird

This story is one that initially produces an OMG and maybe a chuckle. That’s what happened to me when I heard about it on the radio game show, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me.

A brother and sister are reunited through an online dating site.

Divorced Sarah Kemp decided to try find love at an online dating site. She found George. The two of them exchanged many emails and found they had many things in common.

Thank goodness they figured out at their first face-to-face that they even had parents in common. Sisters and brothers love each other of course but not in that I’m attracted to you way. Can you imagine the emotions of discovering this at their reunion?

The sad part of the story is learning that their parents divorced and the family was split up. Sarah went with mom and George with dad. But what an awful divorce that would not allow brother and sister to get together over the years.

The link to the story at the Daily Mail.

Don’t know if there was any background music available at the place they met but this would have made great background music.

another circus 

Lisleman’s news and commentary

Welcome to another edition of Lisleman’s news and commentary.

Where news maybe be old but trust me it has staying power.

News Flash from the past - 

It’s 8:00 AM and do you know what women are buying?

Bust-Up gum

A chewing gum which the makers say can help enhance the size, shape and tone of the breasts has proved to be a big hit in Japan.

You remember those hot chicks smacking gum in “Grease”.  Now the Japanese herbal specialists give those girls a reason to chew.

Careful don't spit your gum because this next story will get your mouth watering.

poultry in motion

Canadian viewers in Ontario (that’s north but check your maps to be sure) now have the latest in digital technology cinematic entertainment.  The Rotisserie Channel brings the viewer every turn of cooking a great chicken feast.

Please watch this report from our affiliate station, Global News Toronto.

Hopefully demand will bring rotating hot chickens to American viewers soon.  They need a break from Charlie Sheen interviews.

Thanks for reading and remember here at Lisleman’s news center, the reader can ask anything at all.  I in turn, will answer whatever is on my mind.  Always being fair wins my readers trust. 

Nice view but no thanks

Maybe you have seen this ad.  I found it in my inbox.

Typically, this type of email just goes directly into the junk mail and I don't even think much about it before clicking the delete button.

While I don't think people would be interested in experiencing the sleeping arrangement that is shown in this scene, I must say the photo did catch my eye. Just a few seconds later, my mind started wondering so here I am posting about it. Yes, my Obsessive Curiosity Disorder kicked in.

You can't beat the great view these climbers have right next to their beds.

But you also can't get me to sleep in that place.   No way could I get any sleep.  They probably don't need to worry about bedbugs but instead might be woken up by an eagle confusing it for a nest.

No campfire or roasting marshmallows for these campers.

I've seen a report on this company on cable.  Interesting company but the closest thing to the scene in that photo for me would be hiking in a National Park.

Weeks ago I found another ad kinda strange (IMHO).  Here's the link.

star wars crossed lovers

A picture like this stimulates your imagination to create a good storyline.

Maybe I should offer some explanation before you jump to wrong conclusions.  I don’t know the imaginative couple in this picture.  All I know about the picture is where I found it.

As I crawl the web for interesting stuff, I collect my finds (very easy to do) in my digital treasure chest over on tumblr.com.  Then I’ll go back and dig through those digital treasures and post something about them.  You can just use the free tumblr service as your blog and many do, but I don't.

Today while looking through my collection of digital stuff this photo came up on the tumblr radar app.

Here’s the link to the source page - redandjonny

Please share what your imagination tells you about this picture in the comments.


(My first thought - at least he covered his light saber)

another circus         solar info link

   

Non sequitur

My daughter needed to tell me what that meant once when she was showing me the comic of the same name. It's Latin and means "it does not follow".

It occurred to me while commenting about curse/swear words that I should try to curse in Latin. It probably would not bother as many family members that way.



"Non sequitur" is not really swearing but with the right tone of voice and the listener's limited understanding of Latin it might work.

Carpe Diem (scream this when the hammer seizes your thumb)

Do you think anyone tweets in Latin? I don't.

Based a on a recent comment, an idea popped into my head -

sexting for seniors - how low can you go?

or

sexting for seniors - I was picking something off the floor last time I saw that.

or

sexting for seniors - for those that forgot.

Maybe I could visit a nursing home and see if it flies.

Guess it got really cold this winter in the UK.  The Holiday Inn of Manchester  (named after a big chested guy?) is offering human bed warmers.  You don't get to keep them.  It's just a service.

I think it's from a marketing team competing for "a few clowns short of a circus" title.

One potential problem with it - bedbugs.

The warmers will be hopping from bed to bed.  If there is any bedbugs in one of those beds they would  spread them.  Might be an interesting job.

Bedbugs are on the rise.  But the US Congress is ready to take action.

Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite Act of 2009 (Introduced in House)

HR 2248 IH

Seriously, if you've been bitten please report it.
The Bugbug Registry

I wonder how long before bedbugs are on twitter.

I thought about posting a bedbug picture but I really want return visitors.  If you like I can provide some links to a set of bedbug pictures.  They are on flickr which sounds right.

What about NAKED bedwarmers?   Oh yeah, I remember they are called street walkers or call girls.

had too much to dream last night

I don't recall the cub being there

The other night I dreamt about a tiger that was pursuing me.  It was warm out, there wasn't any snow.  I was running around trying to hide between houses and behind trees.  At times, there were others with me.  I don't clearly remember but I think they were some of my kids.

I was very worried about this hungry tiger.  He never caught anyone but nobody likes a tiger on your ass.

Why should you care?

You probably don't but this was my scary dream (not really nightmare intensity) and this is my blog, so you get tigers and read about a place where the shadows run from themselves.

Yellow tigers crouched in jungle in her dark eyes.

Ok maybe I need to turn the Ipod off hours before sleeping.

I can still remember learning about dreams.  I did a report in high school about dreaming and the brain.  I believe researchers had only recently discovered the importance of REM sleep which is the period when you dream.

Did you know, during REM, the activity of the brain's neurons is similar to that during waking hours, but the body is paralyzed.   Occasionally, a person can wake up before the paralysis is gone and just can't move.  

A few months ago I watched a PBS show about theories explaining why we dream.  Very interesting stuff.  Some believe dreaming helps us prepare for the future.  One thing is very clear - dreaming is essential for normal daily activity.

Most of us have had those deja vu moments.  Maybe you dreamt something like that moment before?

So if there is a tiger following me, I'll be prepared.  Yeah right.

as the talking heads told us

"...This ain't no party this ain't no disco this ain't no fooling around...."

Just in case you need to refresh your Electic Prune memories:

flame recycled

I've read some recycled posts and most time they are completely new to me (no it's not a senior moment - ah what was I writing?  oh yeah).

So I thought this old post of mine would be a good one to slip in for VD (you know Valentine's Day).  Enjoy and check out the links.  They still work I checked.  (this Valentine connection was inspired by Just Jill at Elemental my dear - however the freaky Burger King connection came from some weird place in my head and Jill would not think of such a loopy thing)

Unless you never watch American TV ads (I know I have some non-US readers), you should recognize the Burger King guy below. The weird appearance makes the ads memorable which is the name of the game.


(I know Burger King is very international - so now I'm wondered if they had used this freaky king guy in other countries.  Anyone know?  please comment)





Looks like they turned up the flame on the ad cooker.




The WHOPPER® sandwich is America’s Favorite burger. FLAME™ by BK® captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.

Now that's what has been missing in my life - the scent of flame-broiled meat. Grilling usually leaves me with that scent but now I can get it in a spray - great.


Well if you are looking for a romantic web site click over to this.

Oh, once there don't forget to click on the spray bottle and this might make you hungry.

Still have a minute or two? Here's a funny related clip.

another circus

Lucky Penny Luck

I'm not a big believer in magical charms or good luck objects.  I recall having a rabbit's foot as a kid but the attraction of it for me was that it was a real animal's foot.  I remember feeling the claws under the fur.  What I don't remember is any special luck coming my way with any rabbit's foot.

We make or find our own luck.  Luck happens but you can miss it if you're not aware.  You need to be aware, ready and notice it.  There certainly is randomness in life.
 
So given that attitude on influences of my life's fortunes, I wondered why I did what I did when I found a penny the other day.  I guess it has to do with the location of that penny.
 
Last post I told you about the Christmas Day disaster.  While cleaning up, I came across a penny.  Actually, it was after ripping up the carpet in the basement room that our oldest daughter used for a bedroom years ago.  I'm not sure how the penny got there or how long it had been there.  We have used the room for storage for a long time now.  Oldest daughter has 3 three kids now and lives in a different state.
 
I pick up the penny and look closely at it. 
 
It is dated the birth year of my oldest daughter.  I cleaned it up and mailed it to her.  I should be getting a call from her soon.
 
So do you have a lucky charm or talisman?
Would you keep a four leaf clover?

The four leaf clovers are rare (1 in 10,000 is listed in wikipedia) so I understand why they are special but what's with the horseshoe?  A piece of metal that could fall off and hit you.  What's worst breaking a mirror or getting hit by a horseshoe?  

What happens if a falling horseshoe hits a mirror?
 
What does choking on a fortune cookie signify?

solar info link

short news shows clowns abound

• A new idea in cruising (first mentioned on this blog in a post on orchids and sex - it's at the end of that post), the cougar cruise was a total sell-out (I mean tickets not relationship stuff).  The cruise sailed back about the first of this month from San Diego.  I bet those cubs with their attractive ornaments will be receiving some great presents this year.

• Speaking of cubs - some short news on the Chicago Cubs.  Well actually the news is about the historic ballpark of the Cubs, Wrigley Field.  They will be keeping the steel troughs in the mens restrooms.  They are renovating the restrooms along with other parts of the ballpark this offseason.  I have no clue as to the number of cougars attending these Cubs games.  I suspect the Cubs would get to first base more often with the cougars than they do in their typical games.  BTW if the new management would like to contact me, I have some ideas for special cougar nights.

• Yet another news report on the Salahis - Mr. Salahi tried paying a landscaping bill with a fake watch.  see NPR report  (I'm think Mrs. should go cougar on him)

• A short item in space news - Dutch guy can see astronaut working in space from his backyard telescope.  Who knew that the Dutch are watching NASA that closely?  This is amazing and he uploaded a clip of explaining on youtube.

More amazing is what can been seen after digitally enhancing his photos.

Take a look at this result:

Well that's all the shorts in my news (or is should that be the other way around?) but don't forget in the past few weeks, we all found out that Tiger was a Cheetah.

another circus

spin a scratchy record

what's worst than spinning that?

Over at the spin cycle control the assignment this time is reposting your worst post from the past.


I accept the challenge and I hope you'll read on.

I've had this blog since 2006 so there are plethora of posts (now that phrase should grab the reader in you, right?) available for selection. It was hard to pick the worst one.

The biggest loser is (oh BTW I don't care for that show):
from Oct. 2008





Another study on our food and health. Has anyone done a study on how studies on food have been done?

Well some Swedish study reports that drinking coffee reduces women's breast size.

So Hooters and Starbucks don't mix. I'm sure there are some women that worked in both places.

I don't know anything about these Swedes but I heard that back in 2003 a popular mens magazine did a feature called the "Women of Starbucks". Maybe those women just sold the coffee and didn't drink it.

Well if you are a coffee drinking woman flirting for some attention - don't worry - beer has the opposite effect - just give the guy enough beer and he can't tell the difference.



Other ones under consideration were:
supermodels and virgins
greasy butt fast
naked question

Please let me know in the comments if I selected the worst one.

goats + airline = flight delay??

So why is the flight delayed?

You need to sacrifice a goat?

Oh sure, I understand.



By pics2move

On my favorite radio show, "Wait wait don't tell me", this story was part of their news quiz.


By pics2move


It appears that Nepal Airlines has a strange policy on maintenance problems. Goat sacrifices are part of the procedure. I wonder if the operation manual tells the crew when a goat (or two) is required.

So the BBC has the story.

Also while we are thinking of Nepal Airlines, WHAT IS WITH THE LOGO SYMBOL??

A three-eyed flying head with some mean looking teeth. Looks scary to me.

I-destroy

I commented before about the I-phone and this web site that took it apart.

Now this blender company really "takes the I-phone apart"

check this clip



I first found this site back in Feb. 07.