Learning To Live

I have mentioned my brother, Darin, is staying with me. He didn't get a summer internship, but has a camp counselor job later in the summer. Until he leaves, he is living with and taking care of me. Before my sinus surgery we did some cleaning and laundry. By "we," I mean "he did the work and I barked the orders." I barked out where to put away all the things I had in my suitcases, where to put clean laundry, how to load the dishwasher, how much water to put in my glass, and how to pour my weekly meds. I sure will miss him when he leaves. The main reason I'm writing about my brother today is because he's amazing. My surgery was figuratively and literally painless. I checked in about 1/2 hour early and was taken to my room right away. Darin and Mom were both very good, but especially Darin. I'm used to Mom taking care of me and doing things for me before and after surgery, but I'm not used to having my little brother there. Darin did wonde...

I love my baby brother with all my heart. He's one of my favorite people on the planet. He knows how to make me laugh, make me stop crying, and just what to say when I really need him. He's *FABULOUS*! Just to prove it, here's an excerpt from the conversation we had online tonight at 1am: Carla: cuz you better not be smoking... I plan on taking one of your lungs someday Darin: no of course not Darin: take it away Carla: i can have your lung? Darin: maybr well see Carla: part of a lung? Darin: sure why not I had a hard evening tonight, and it was just what I needed to hear.

I was putting on makeup today when my brother starts this conversation: D: Carla, is that your natural skin color? C: You mean, before the makeup? D: Yeah. C: Yes. D: You look sickly. C: I am sickly. D: No, I mean you look dead. So I'm a little pasty. It then lead to these comments from Darin: D: You buy makeup for black people just to look normal. D: You should wear makeup for the dead, you know, if it weren't so harmful. C: Why, so I can get that nice embalmed look? D: You already have that embalmed look! C: I do not! D: You're right, you move around a little more.

So my brother bought a pair of pink boxer-briefs at a store on State Street for $14. I thought this was an outrageous price, seeing as I can buy "the expensive stuff" at Victoria's Secret and get 5 pairs for $25. I was saying that there is only slightly more fabric to boxer-briefs, and my brother corrected me, saying that guys need extra padding in the front so the underwear doesn't wear out as fast. Our conversation concluded with this: Me: Guys have extra padding in the crotch so your penis doesn't wear through the fabric faster? I thought it was because guys are too lazy to wipe themselves, so they need the extra padding so that urine doesn't get on their pants. Darin: Potato, Potato. (damn, they are spelled the same).

Whatever I said about Darin, I take back. I have the best brother. :-) He called me yesterday to tell me he was coming down to help me - after he drove 2 hours to register to vote where our parents live, he drove 2 hours to come to my place, and Sunday he'll drive 2 hours back to school. My family is spread out in a triangle across this state. Darin cleaned my bathroom and vacuumed the kitchen, and later we will change my sheets and we've done laundry and he's a great, great brother. I thought he had ditched me... but he found a way to ditch his friend instead. Thanks, Darin.

So I finished writing this, I think. Here you go: The other night I was at a party, and as everyone was sitting around the campfire chatting the topic turned to pain and IVs somehow. I really don't think I had anything to do with this topic change, surprisingly. One of my friends commented on how much it hurts when an IV is pulled from your hand. I assured them that it's much more painful when the PICC line running from your elbow to your heart is pulled out. All 54cm of it. Another friend of mine commented on how much her back hurt - and my first instinct was to throw her out of her chair for even mentioning back pain. The second instinct? Show her what real pain is. But I would have no idea how to inflict this much pain on someone. I'd have to call my old buddy Himmler. My back pain is so bad that I can barely stand. Sitting for long periods of time hurts. So mostly, I lay around. This morning it hurt so much I couldn't get out of bed. I literally couldn...

Why the HELL does it take my brother more than an HOUR to shower... he's been in there for more than an hour - I've watched all the TV I had on my DVR, and he's still not done. I can shower in 10 minutes, towel dry my hair (which is INFINITELY longer than his) and be done. 15 minutes MAYBE if I have to shave my legs - it's still much closer to 10. If I do my makeup and hair for a special occasion it will take me 1/2 an hour. That's it. I have makeup and hair curling and it will take me at MAXIMUM 1/2 hour. This is ridiculous. Stupid boys.

Conversation between my family: Me: Someone farted. Mom & Darin: Not me. Me: Someone is lying and it's Darin because he can't keep a straight face. Darin: Stop making fun of me because I'm gay.

"I know guys who were abstinent in high school, but only because of porn."

My brother is an ADD kid. So am I, but I don't listen to dental floss when I'm not on medication. That's right, I'm on the phone with my mother and she's describing to me how my brother is playing with a piece of recently used dental floss, and my brother's excuse is, "I'm listening to it." My mother swears she's going to lose her mind if he doesn't go back on his meds soon. My Dad says that Darin has to go back on his meds before Europe because they have to take care of me. That made me laugh.

I love my baby brother. I had a ton of things to say on the way home, and now I forgot. I guess they'll come back to me later. The one thing I remember is he better not move far away from me, dammit. Or he better buy a really huge house and I can live in the basement and come upstairs for meals. Or, rather, ride the elevator upstairs for meals. :-D

Seriously, I didn't make this up. You can't make this up. Me: So, what's with the man-boobs? All gay men seem to have them. Do all men have them and straight guys wear looser shirts, or is there a gay gene that makes you have bigger man-boobs? Darin: Carla, they're called pecs. Me: Right, but that's not my question. How do the man-boobs happen? I don't get it. Darin: I don't know. They're pecs. Me: Yeah, but you've never done any sort of work that would make your pecs stand out. Darin: I know. I'm gorgeous. Me: Right. Seems to me you have a self-esteem issue. ...thus making Darin cooler than previously thought to be possible.

Why does my mom insist on telling me everything about all the sports she's watching. Does she not notice that I'm allergic to sports? I played that one season of basketball in eighth grade, and when I say "played" I mean "sat on the bench," and I only joined the team because my two best friends did. I sat out and sucked my inhaler the entire season. I just don't get how she hasn't caught on yet. I'm not a sports gal, Mom. You got two girly girls for children. My brother and I just aren't sports people. I can recognize a basketball in a lineup of other balls, but the only balls Darin could pick out are his own. I'm pretty sure he knows them pretty well. My brother is the funniest human alive. We were at Home Depot last night (after a successful snarf-fest at Red Lobster mmmm....) and we walked around the store talking like this: C: "So this guy I know, we've in the past dated, well I wouldn't say dated a...

Let's see if I'm more or less clever at 2am. I went to bed at 9pm hoping to get a good night of sleep before a huge day of dancing tomorrow. May not be quite as huge if one of the kids in our two-step routine can't make it back because of the snow. Then I might hit my head against the wall because we are going to suck. Less than a month until showcase. Are you kidding me??? **** I got my mystery rash again today. I woke up and it was SNOWING - and I had a cute, adorable, irresistible spring outfit planned out. Man, was I bummed when it was snowing. I ate breakfast, got said mystery rash, and went back to bed. My brother got into a car wreck because of the snow, so I was upset because I had asked for help, and now since my brother wasn't going to be able to come down, my parents were ignoring me. My mother yells at me because doing my laundry is hard. I'm sorry I get worn out when I do laundry, but I do. That's just the way it is. I started my laundry ...