Learning To Live

So I'm in menopause, and I've noticed since my second shot that put me in menopause - wait, KEPT me in menopause - that I haven't been writing. I watch TV and sleep. Last night I noticed when I itched my port milk came out of my breast. Interesting. Yes. When I pushed more I noticed much more milk. So much so that I called my father into the room to ask why the hell I would be lactating. He said probably the Leupron - the menopause med. Today Dad looked up the menopause med, and less than 5% have lactation. So I'm in said less than 5%. 84% have hot flashes. Got those. Got those hot flashes hard core. I spend my days putting on and taking off clothing because I can't regulate my temperature. The last reported "side effect" was a development of a personality disorder - which is impossible and my father and I had a good laugh over it. Mom, on the other hand said, "Well if she's got that she's now got a better personality!" My mo...

I vent a lot about my mom. I vent it here because I need to get it out so I don't go nuts - and if I take it out on her, she'll explode and make my life hell. So that's why I vent. I know how lucky I am to have my mom here to help me with my IVs - well, I do all the IV stuff (she will change my dressing), but she does the other stuff. The cooking, laundry, etc. That's what my mom does. Plus, she stays up with me sometimes while I do my late night meds, and she's always up when I get up. She frustrates me and as I like to say, "cramps my style," but that doesn't mean I don't know how much she does for me. My mom washed my hair tonight so that I could have enough energy to shower. My mom keeps measuring how well I'm doing based on how many hours I'm awake - and she's just so worried when I sleep so much. It's my sinus pain and pressure that cause me to sleep so much - and there's nothing I can do about it until Friday when ...

I hate home IVs. I don't get as much rest as I need. It just doesn't work well. It's not me, because I would rest as much as I need. The problem is my mother. She hates any clutter in my place - and right now it's pretty cluttered from my re-organization project of the summer (which failed miserably. It's now my "Fall-winter project"). She yells at me. She makes me get up and help organize things. She makes me help with the laundry because she's "not my slave." Note to self: do it all inpatient because you can't handle your fucked up crazy mother.